"Run! Bitch Run!"

Please pay no attention to the animated gif of Chad Pennington's single great moment as a member of the New York Jets. I want to see if animation goes in this blogger system. If not, you'll be looking at a random football player as I write about my first feature length film, Run! Bitch Run!
I did two and a half days work on this film, and I die 5 minutes into the thing. The cool part is, my death sets the tone for the rest of the film, which is a sick, sick brutal motion picture. Written by Robert Hayes II and directed by Joseph Guzman, I'm convinced these two merchants of filth are going straight to Hell for this film. And I love them for it.
It premiered October 30 at 11:59 pm at the New Beverly Cinema in west Hollywood, and a crowd of 200 plus gave it a "standing O" afterwards. Many thanks to my good friend Lizzy, who accompanied me. I soooo did not want to go STAG to my first movie premiere, although I may be sent to Hell for exposing a sweet, young girl to such brutal trash.
So yes, I've seen myself on the big screen, but this is not a film I'm comfortable showing to my family. It's a direct homage to 70's era rape and revenge films. Straight exploitaion with teats, murder, sex, rape, murder, teats, rape, sex, more rape, and some more murder, more teats, and lesbian sex. I'm surprised Lizzy didn't fall off her chair.
Of course, she refuses to talk to me anymore...


When asked what he thought of Freak Show Entertainment's Run! Bitch Run!, Muppet Lab's very own Beaker had this to say, "Meep meep meep, meep meep meep meep. Meep meep. Meep-meep meep meep meep, meep-meep. Meep meep, meep. Meep." Thank you, Beaker.






When asked for his thoughts on the film, Amity Island Harbor Master Frank Silva said, "What the hell did I just watch? There wasn't one musical number in that whole picture, and the women-folk were naked. There wasn't no fish, no boats, not even any water. What the hell was I doing there? I'm going home, I got a harbor to run." Thank you, Mr. Silva.


Giant, mutated, flying turtle, Gamera shared his thoughts. "I felt the plot was needlessly obtuse and pedantic and the overall lethargic tone was surmised only by the demeaning treatment of women. Aside from that, this movie kicks ass!" Thank you, Mr. Guardian of the Universe.

Ahem...



And finally, when asked for her thoughts on the film, REDSEXGODDESS said, "You're kind of cute. You got any money?"








There you have it. The experts have speaked. Or spoken, or whatever. Learn more about Run! Bitch Run! at the Freak Show Entertainment home page.

C-ya in the funny papers.

"Aces High"

Starring myself, Nick Endres, Marlies Pinto & Ezequiel.
Co-written by myself & Ezequiel.
Directed by Brian Joseph Ochab.



This short was so well-received that there was talk about a feature length film. I started writing the script with "Punk Rock" Ryan Pena, but before we finished even a first draft, the potential money-person pulled out, and Ochab moved on to another project. So I wrote another version by myself, but since I can't claim the property as solely my own, it sits on my computer, eating drive space.

Oh, huh-row, preeeze...

You know, it just occurred to me, I'm frigging tired. You see, one of the necessary evils of being an unknown actor is the day job. It's practically a requirement. Mine is one of those places that opens early and closes late. That's the only clue I'll give as to where I work when I'm not on set.
Common decency suggests that you don't make people work early and late shifts consecutively, or even in the same week. The simple reason is, your sleep patterns get all f*cked up. When you sleep patterns are f*cked with, you feel a lot older that you really are.
Anyway, I am posting this on someone else's computer, so I am going to pick a random image off their hard drive.



Who keeps a picture of a worm on their hard drive???

Brandon Jacobs

The outstanding running back for the NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS had a monster day against the Baltimore Ravens and supposedly "the best run defense in football."
Jacobs, Ahmad Bradshaw and Derek Ward combined for over 200 yards on the ground.
Here are Jacob's highlights. Brilliant.

Excuses, excuses.

This blog post is merely an attempt to see if I can figure out if cutting and pasting html code is worth the effort of posting a blog with multiple pix. I'm lazy by nature, but I like to add visuals, so I'm facing a quandry, unless I'm mistaken in the definition of "quandry."
First, the cast and crew of the (hopefully) upcoming motion picture, On a Dark and Stormy Night-



Juan Reidinger (far left) is the star of this film and I think his performance will put this film on the map, thus exposing to the world how great the rest of us are.


This is Beeker. He was a muppet. Well, technically he still is a muppet. What is a muppet? Well, according to philosopher Homer Simpson, "a muppet is not quite mop, and not quite a puppet." Put that in your pipe and smoke it. Beeker was lab assistant to Professor Bunson Honeydew, a less memorable muppet, but he did have a PhD. Whether or not he earned it, or if it was an honorary doctorate bestowed by Jim Henson is unclear.


This is scotch. Scotch of the Glenfiddich single malt variety, to be specific. Me likey, long time. Not every bar carries it, and the ones that do charge a lot for it. But it goes down reeeeeel smooth, and is great precursor to pitchers and pitchers of beer. It's as strong as tequila, easier going down than whiskey, but is much, much more forgiving. Well worth the price.


This is porn star Jessica Drake. Read her necklace. It is correct.


The script specifically said my character does not push Adrian Quihuis into the pool. I suppressed the urge to show off my improvisational skills although in hindsight, I shoulda done it. It would have been a funny story to tell.


This is Mack. She lives in a hole between a coffee maker and a Frappucinno sure-shot dispenser. Her best friend and neighbor is a bottle of whipped cream. Mack is also an artist.

She wrote her name and drew a peace sign in chocolate sauce one day. Although I saw it as a sign of artistic skill, other people found it disturbing.
I'm told that the shock therapy is working nicely.

I think that's enough for one session. C-ya in the funny papers.

Um, interesting?

So the photos are cut in half.
Forgive me, I'm an idiot. I expected
the full photo to post when I
published them. Yeah, I assume too
much, that's the problem.

I move forward by flashing back...

AS I mentioned yesterday, it was a year ago that we were filming the motion picture, On a Dark and Stormy Night. When shooting wrapped, I took time to reflect on the experience and blogged about how great everyone was, thus proving how great I am. But I digress...




That's the cast and crew. You could just have easily looked us up on the Net at the IMDB, but "OADASN" has been removed pending the legal quagmire. Anyway, here's the cut n paste from 11.5 months ago. I still mean almost every word...

Monday, November 26, 2007
"On a Dark and Stormy Night: A Reflection"
by Mike Tursi
Principal photography is done.
The wrap party was last night.

It's over, except for post-production.
I am empty inside, and I didn't expect it to be so.
Well, not completely empty, but a huge chunk of me stayed behind, on set of "OADASN."

It was a great experience, and sometimes, I think it took it for granted when it was happening. But now, after a day of reflection, I realize I was working with some truly great souls, and I miss them dearly, only after one day.

Do I have some regrets? You bet. I could have made more out of this experience than I should have, and I attribute that error to growing pains as a new actor. I have no delusions about the fact that, of the 8 principal actors on this project, I was (and still am) the least known; the minorest of the celebrities, if that word even applies. I must say, the celebrities that I worked with are as real a bunch of people as the baristas at Starbucks and associates at Wal-Mart.

I wish I could have shown my fondness for these people more than I did.

Here's my list of "thank-yous." ---

Juan Reidinger, aka "Number Juan in our Hearts"- a man among men, and a great human being. His star is on the rise, and he will be a huge actor, very soon. Yet, his head is not in the clouds. He tackled this project with a passion I have never seen before, and is the most respectful soul I have met.
Muy bien, mijo.

Aaron Massey, aka "Money Massey"- he is money because when he is in a scene, the best way to describe it is, "rich." In my opinion, not only the best actor of this bunch, but the most talented actor I have worked with (in my albeit short career, but it's still the truth). Most of his scenes were shot in only one take, because the man, in the simplest of terms, "nails it every time." I have never seen an actor prepare as much for a role, creating backstory for his character. His nose was buried in his script over 90% of the time, and his preparation shows in his work.
Double-down, mutha-fucka!

Adrian Quihuis, aka "Joey Jo-Jo Joes"- have you ever met a person who was so funny that it annoyed the piss out of you? That's Quihuis. He had a snappy one-liner for literally, EVERYTHING ANYBODY SAID, and it was always fresh. It never got old. Nobody got to see how witty I am because Adrian would always beat us to the punch with the comebacks. He is a ball of energy that always had us laughing, and he has the funniest moments in this film. I am truly envious of Adrian's wit and timing and I know he can be one of the best stand-up comedians if the acting thing doesn't pan out.
Duuuuuuude, Gray's being a dick.

Anna Ward, aka "The Dream-Buddy"- beautiful and intelligent women that like sports are few and far between. To a guy like me, they are the rarest of commodities, and I would trade all the gold, silver and platinum in the world to remain friends with Anna Ward. If I had one day to live, and I could choose how to spend that day, it would be with Anna at a picnic with a good bottle of wine after a walk on the beach. We would have good conversation, and top off the night at a Mets-Cubs game (at Shea or Wrigley, it wouldn't matter) chowing down on hot dogs and peanuts. Yes, after a day like that, I would be fulfilled.
The Ace of Bicycles.

Marlies Pinto, aka "One of my favorite people in the world from now on"- Marlies was the first fellow cast member I met, and previously we had talked on the phone a few times. I knew before we met that I would like this woman a whole bunch. Also beautiful and intelligent, Marlies' spirit is kind and gentle but she has a sense of humor that dishes out and takes some pretty raunchy jokes. Not unlike Anna, to a guy like me Marlies is pretty much the closest thing to my "dream-girl" that I have met, and because we had sort of a minor kinship beforehand, my respect and admiration had time to graduate into a strong love and affection. I think I'll miss Marlies most of all.
The ride was fun, wasn't it?

Tamela D'Amico, aka "My Fellow Paisan"- at all times, Tam simply radiates confidence. I mean, she beams of it, but it's not arrogance, by any definition of the word. I think Tamela would be one of the best bosses an employee could hope for, because she has this aura about her that suggests no problem is too big for her to handle. She seems to have answers for and opinions on EVERYTHING. And she is so brilliant that it's scary. But yet, she's another kind and gentle soul. A gifted actress and singer (I'm gonna buy her CD but everywhere I go, it's SOLD OUT!) and also an accomplished director. Her technical knowledge of the craft is as impressive as her creativity. I've already said she's brilliant, and oh yeah- she's beautiful too.
My hair needs more teasing, daaaaaaah-ling.

Eva-Maria Leonardou, aka "The Greek Goddess"- the epitome of grace and elegance. Seriously, there's nothing she doesn't do gracefully, even in the way she comes up and says "hi" to you. And yet, her attempts to understand American culture items and English expressions are so innocent. When she asks for explanation on something it is one of the cutest things you can ever see. Eva-Maria is an A-List celebrity in her native land, but courageously gave that up to make her mark in America, and I hope for her more than all, OADASN pushes her over the top.
What does this mean, "donkey-punch?"

Elias Acosta, aka "Director of Photography/Cinematographer"- I don't know if this project would have reached it's full potential fruition without Elias looking through the lens. I had the pleasure of watching him interviewed about his work on OADASN and watching this man talk and the passion for his craft was awe-inspiring. This talented Dominican film maker has many exciting projects that were put on hold so he could work with us. I can speak for everyone when I say WE ARE GRATEFUL..
Wisdom far beyond his years.

Mike the Sound Guy, aka "Mike the Sound Guy"- I never got his last name, and that is regrettable for he was our savior. At the last minute, we still had no sound guy. Mike answered an ad on Craig's List and the next thing we knew, we had a sound guy. His technical expertise paid off in full, plus interest because it would have sucked if, after two weeks of shooting, we had no dialogue.
Condoms on microphones is not phallic if used for technical reasons.

Ezekiel Willis, aka "Mr. Everywhere"- originally brought on as a 2nd unit director, Zeke's duties morphed into pretty much assisting all the technical people. He was constantly glued to either a camera, the camera operator, the sound guy, the director or the producer. He was quick to help set up from shot to shot and without him, our transitions between shooting would have been hectic, at the best.
Lightning ain't bad once you get used to it.

Brian Snowden, aka "Mr. Everywhere, the 2nd"- he just showed up one day and started working. Seriously. I think he heard from Tamela that our crew was short-staffed, so he drove down from SAN FRAN-FUCKING-FRISCO on his own dime, put himself up in a hotel, and started working. And he was invaluable because he went far beyond the call of duty to make sure we actors were comfortable, fed and boozed up at all times.
Living proof that nice things happen to nice people, I'm actually envious.

Katie Custer, aka "MAAAAAAKEUUUUUUUP!!!!!"- a staff of one, applying makeup daily to 8 people attending a Halloween party. At 4:30 am every day for 2 weeks. Making me look handsome for the camera. None of these things are easy, but she made it look easy. Katie is a sweetheart, but I didn't have the heart to say this to her face...
The Jacksonville Jaguars suck.

Julie Lorenzen, aka "The Psycho cook with a Heart of Gold"- I swear, I fell in and out of love with this girl twelve times over the course of fourteen days. And she never got tired of me telling her how nice it would be if I saw her naked. She cooked and cooked then cooked some more. Then she served us. Then she did it again for lunch. And then for dinner. She liked to pinch my ass and it felt good. She made me feel liked even if I was a pain in the neck.
Discovery Channel, Shark Week, in the nude; we are so there.

Lee Brandt, aka "Cop 2"- where the hell have you been the whole shoot? Just one day of work? WTF??? lol

Jason the cop, aka "Cop3"- the real McCoy, LAPD. He came in as a technical advisor and we gave him a small role in the movie. He brought his gun, nuff said.

Ezequiel, Sr and Carmen Martinez, aka "The Most Gracious of Hosts"- you offered your home to us and we, in turn, invaded it and took over. You were captives in your own house for two weeks and still gave us a party bus.
Let's do it again, real soon, like tomorrow. lol.

Carolina Martinez, aka "A Shrink in Progress"- I was just really happy to see you again.

Emerson Bixby, aka "The guy who wrote all this crazy shit"- Bix cannot be described. Bix must be experienced. And I mean that as the highest of compliments. He did assure me personally that, if he had a sister, it wouldn't bother him so much if she and I had sex. Keep in mind, that's not an exact quote. I'm paraphrasing.
"The Man from Earth" kicked ass. Rent it tonight.

Brian Ochab, producer, aka "The Great Orchestrator"- none of this would have happened, I mean NONE of it would have happened, if Ochab had not run a tight ship. He was on top of everything. He made sure we all were fed. He made sure we were all comfortable. He made sure we all had a place to sleep at night. He made sure the crew knew what and where to set up next. He made sure Ezequiel didn't get somebody killed for one of his crazy ideas. He made sure Mrs. Martinez didn't kill anybody when we disturbed the neighbors. He hooked us up with a party at The Magic Castle in Hollywood (a fantastic place, by the way). He did magic tricks. He danced a pole on the party bus. He played "Cop 1" in our movie. He reimbursed me for my gas receipts in an acceptable time period, lol. In the dictionary, under "producer," there is a picture of Ochab. He has my sincerest gratitude.
Watch him pull a rabbit from his ass!

Ezequiel, director, aka, "Field General."
I'd say something nice, but the little prick would probably rewrite it! lol.
Congrats on your first feature, EZ. I'm proud to have been a part of it.

If I had to do it all over again, the only thing I would do differently is this-

rather than commute to and from set every day from my house, I would certainly have stayed in the hotel, despite being local. This way I could have spent as much time as possible with these wonderful people, and I would not have missed any of the camaraderie. I love you all.

turz
signing off.

Like I said, I still mean almost every word.
Coming soon: I'll tell the story of the forst time I ever saw myself on the big screen.
Hint; it was called Run! Bitch Run!
In the meantime, here are some more memories from OADASN-