Thursday, June 10, 2010

Announcement- Coming Soon.

I've had this plan brewing in my head lately. I've also been putting it off. Not long ago, I asked my readers to challenge me with critique requests. You give me a flick, I hunt it down, view and critique it. Free of charge. I only received one Reader Request, so I figure that means I can pretty much pick whatever I wanna review. So I'm gonna run with my plan.

Coming soon to Turzman Central, a sub-category I shall fondly refer to as, your Pornographic Midnight Snack. I see no harm in, every once in a while, critiquing a film of the XXX variety. At worst, it's an admission to all of you that I watch PRON. Go circle the wagons.
Hell, I already touched softcore here, and to a degree, here. I currently find myself in a position of unlimited supply of opinion fodder, so I'm gonna turn up the heat a bit.
Rather than bog myself down with the seemingly infinite number of compilation, sex-only discs and Gonzo P.O.V. shootings, I will limit myself to films that at least attempt to have a story. The Pickens don't get as slim as you think.

Already in the bank, Haunted starring Briana Banks, and Digital Playground's Babysitters.

So stay tuned,
and as always,

Stay out of the water.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

No more eating shark fin in Hawaii after new law

By AUDREY McAVOY, Associated Press Writer Audrey Mcavoy, Associated Press Writer – Sat May 29, 4:34 pm ET

HONOLULU – The $48-a-plate shark fin has been a favorite dish to celebrate 80th birthdays and fete out of town VIPs since Vienna Hou's Chinese restaurant opened 25 years ago.

But Kirin Restaurant customers won't be dining in that style starting July 1, 2011, when Hawaii becomes the first state in the nation to ban the possession of shark fins. The state is attempting to help prevent the overfishing and extinction of sharks around the world.

"Something will be missing," said Hou, who grew up watching her father sell shark fin as part of his seafood trading business in Hong Kong. "Decent Chinese restaurants — they all serve shark fin."

Gov. Linda Lingle on Friday signed a bill prohibiting the possession, sale or distribution of shark fins. The bill passed the state House and Senate with broad support earlier this year.

The legislation generated some grumbling in Hawaii's sizable Chinese community — more than 13 percent of the state population is Chinese or part Chinese. Many consider shark fin a delicacy and important part of Chinese culture.

The ban also comes as the tourism-dependent state expects a surge in affluent Chinese visitors.

Restaurateurs say about a dozen establishments in Hawaii serve shark fin, which doesn't taste like much by itself. The flavor in shark fin dishes comes from the ingredients it's cooked with, either the rich sauce it's served with on a plate or the savory pork and chicken base in shark fin soup.

Some people eat it for the supposed health benefits, claiming that it's good for bones, kidneys and lungs and helps treat cancer. Shark fin is also considered a status symbol in high-end restaurants, a dish to impress or lavishly treat guests. At Kirin, on a busy street near the University of Hawaii, one soup serving is $17.

In Hong Kong, high end restaurants can charge $1,000 for premium shark fin.

"I don't think you should say it should be illegal to have shark fin," said Johnson Choi, president of the Hong Kong China Hawaii Chamber of Commerce. "Shark fins are part of food culture — Chinese have had food culture for over 5,000 years."

Environmentalists say the tradition is leading to a dangerous depletion of sharks worldwide.

A report last year by the International Union for the Conservation of Nature estimates 32 percent of open ocean shark species are in danger of becoming extinct primarily because of overfishing.

Hawaii's lawmakers heard testimony that sharks are being killed for their fins at a rate of 89 million per year.

"It's not a local issue. It's an international issue," said Sen. Clayton Hee, D-Kahuku-Kaneohe, the sponsor of the Hawaii bill.

Restaurants serving fins will have until next July to run through their inventory. After that, those caught with fin will have to pay a fine between $5,000 to $15,000 for a first offense. A third offense would result in a fine between $35,000 to $50,000 and up to a year in prison.

It's designed to go a step further than the previous law which aimed to control shark finning — the act of cutting fins off sharks at sea and dumping their carcasses in the ocean — by banning the landing of shark fins at Hawaii ports.

Shark conservation activists say they hope the law inspires other states and the federal government to follow suit.

"This is a landmark bill," said Marie Levine, the founder and executive director of the Shark Research Institute in Princeton, N.J. "This is enormously important for the conservation of sharks."

Conservation efforts suffered a major setback earlier this year when an effort to protect six shark species under the 175-nation Convention on International Trade in Endangered Species, or CITES, failed in March.

Hee, who is of Chinese and Native Hawaiian descent, rejected the argument that shark fins shouldn't be banned because they're an important part of Chinese culture. He argued the food is only eaten by an elite few at Chinese restaurants.

"It's a tradition of serving shark fin to those who could most afford it. It's an indulgent activity," Hee said.

In contrast, he noted sharks are deeply ingrained in Hawaiian culture as ancestral gods, or aumakua, and are featured prominently in ancient legends.

The law's power may be primarily symbolic given Hawaii is a small market for shark fin, especially compared to Hong Kong. The IUCN estimates Hong Kong handles at least 50 percent and perhaps 80 percent of the world's shark fin trade.

Some restaurant managers — both inside and outside of the tourist mecca of Waikiki — said their biggest eaters of shark fin are Japanese tourists who like to order the dish because it's three to four times cheaper here than back home.

"I doubt it very much that people will be very disappointed," said David Chui, manager of Legends Seafood Restaurant.

Carroll Cox, president of the Hawaii-based group EnviroWatch, hopes the governor makes enforcement a high priority. Other countries will also have to commit to limit the shark fin trade for any restrictions to have an effect, he said.

"People learn to circumvent the law, especially when you have a product that's expensive and in demand," said Cox.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Bookoff = Ripoff

So the only used book store I found on my island with a buy/sell/trade policy is this joint called Bookoff Hawaii. They have two convenient locations in Oahu's two biggest malls. I'm looking to trade off some old Alex Cross, Jack Reacher, Star Wars and misc novels for some new Alex Cross, Jack Reacher and Eve Dallas novels, so I took a stack over there today.
Nine books in great condition, two of which were purchased brand new only two weeks ago, and they only offered me $1.60 for them.
Nine books, a dollar sixty.
So they can turn around and sell them for 5 bucks apiece.

I told Bookoff to Fuckoff.

If I'm gonna give my shit away, I'll donate my books to my local library in Waipahu, because I know for certain they will not turn around and mark them up 450% from what they paid for them.

So that's the plan, I will become great friends with my local library and donate my new books, fresh off Border's shelf and read only once, and feel great about the transaction despite getting nothing in return.
Imagine- giving stuff away for nothing in return and feeling good about it. Libraries are cool.

Tonoose, envoy to the Blind Dead says, "Reading books is a concept that is both barren and foreign to me. Of course, I am blind, which explains why quite clearly. It also explains why I don't care too much for movies, TV or the Internet. Why I hate radio still baffles me."

Monday, May 17, 2010

Film Critique- "Bare Naked Survivor"

Oh, why the hell not? I got another one like this coming soon...

Retrieved from the now defunct KarmaCritic by way of Operation Orca.
From almost 2 years ago to the day...

Bare Naked Survivor, (2001)
starring: Julie K. Smith, Shauna O'Brien, Alexus Winston, Aimee Sweet, Aria Giovanni, Tess Broussard, Lenny Juliano and Allen Glazier as "Ape."
written by: Jimmy Diblanket
directed by: Doug Hoffman



No food, no men, NO CLOTHES. What a tagline, eh? Well, it served its purpose in my case, offering two tantalizing things; a parody of something I absolutely hate (reality TV), and beautiful, naked women. In a testament to how lame I am, I learned that I expected too much from something that offered so little; Penthouse pets on an island. To my chagrin, I found that I've become so "mature," that a film needs more than just t*ts on a beach to hold my interest. How depressing.

In my defense, Bare Naked Survivor offers a veritable "who's who" from softcore porn and Penthouse pages. Softcore legends Julie K. Smith and Shauna O'Brien head the cast that includes the super-sexy Alexus Winston, Aimee Sweet (whom I adore), Aria Giovanni (who I have lusted after for about six years now) and the surprisingly butter-faced Tess Broussard, who I had never heard of before, and with good reason. Who would have thought that t*ts like those could be overshadowed by such an ugly face? Rounding out our merry cast is Lenny Juliano as Cliff Probate, the doofus in charge of the whole contest thing.

Oh yeah, there's a contest.

Our next challenge is to take off our clothes and frolic on a beach. Again.

In the retarded spirit of Survivor, the girls are supposed to do moronic tasks for points, and of course, there is voting out of the tribe, but the "plot" (HA!) is so mundane and the tasks are so idiotic that the viewer can't help but hope there is an active volcano, a giant gorilla, cannibalistic natives, malaria; something that will just kill these f**kers off. But that never happens. Instead, we are given ample titties, upon which the viewer says, "Hey look, t*ts." But they are hardly a saving grace.

This film is hardly what one might call "erotic cinema." So weak compared to other softcore films, Bare Naked Survivor barely rates the hard "R", and dangerously toes the PG-13 line. The best part is a scene where Aimee Sweet strips of her panties, graciously and mercifully showing her bush as she's engaged in conversation with Winston. Yes, conversation. About lipstick. The film's promise of lesbian scenes are reduced to some watered down, soft petting and kissing, which after so many times becomes, in a word, unsexy. Nobody thought to bring dildos to the island, I guess.
Oh bother...

The only guy on an island full of women and he has to beg.

I cannot recommend this film at all. Unless you are a hopeless, infatuated fanatic of one of the girls, there's nothing here for you. To summarize, I'd like to quote Gray, where he so eloquently states, "What's the big deal? It's just a pair of t*ts."

And how, brother.

Amity Island Harbor Master Frank Silva says, "What the hell is this crap I just read? The movie was nuthin' but skin 'n' bone womans in their beach underwears. And, ye already posted this once before. Can't ye come up with somethin' new, or are ye gonna post that old one about lesbians with the mummy? You stink, Turz."






Internet addict Pornocat says, "Lesbians? Mummies? Meow for me?"