Code of the Sith

Peace is a lie.
There is only passion.

Through passion I gain strength.
Through strength I gain power.
Through power I gain victory.
Through victory my chains are broken.

The Force shall set me free.

"Alien 5" - It just might happen!

I must be coming out of some mild form of coma.  Only today, I found out Chappie director Neill Blomkamp has a full-on boner for doing an Alien sequel. To my surprise, according to this article I accidentally stumbled upon, Sigourney Weaver is open to a potential Alien boner of her own.

It doesn't hurt that Weaver's co-starring in Chappie and Blomkamp has access to her ear on a daily basis, but to be fair the guy seems to be a die-hard fan of Ellen Ripley's adventures and has been tinkering with some concept art on his own for months. Fox Pictures says they're on board, but who knows?

Personally, I'm not impressed with Blomkamp's work. District 9 was not great, teetering somewhere between good and okay.  Elysium was horrible and nothing about Chappie appeals to me.  On a positive note, an Alien 5 can't possibly be worse than Ridley Scott's putrid excuse for an Alien prequel. Read my critique of Prometheus here.

If you want to chime in, this discussion can continue on my Facebook page.  If you don't care either way, kiss a dick and keep scrolling.

Toodles.

Guardian of the Universe Gamera says, "Tursi has a Facebook page?  So do I!"

Click here for the Gamera Facebook page. Don't tell them I sent you.

"Birdie, Birdie"

Birdie, Birdie in the sky
Why did you do that in my eye?

I sure am glad elephants don't fly.

Internet addict Pornocat says, "WTF? Meow?"

'Twas the Night Before X-Mas

'Twas the night before Christmas, and one thing was clear-
That old yuletide spirit no longer was here;
Inflation was rising; the crime rate was trippling;
The fuel bills were up, and our mortgage was crippling;

I opened a beer as I watched the TV,
Where Donny sang "O Holy Night" to Marie;
The kids were in bed, getting sleep like they should;
Or else they were stoned, which was almost as good.

While ma with her ball-point pen was making a fuss
'Bout folks we'd send cards to who'd sent none to us;
"Those ingrates," she thundered, and pounded her fist;
"Next year you can bet they'll be crossed off our list!"

When out in the yard came a deafening blare;
'Twas our burglar alarm, and I hollered,"Who's there?"
I turned on the searchlight, which lit up the night,
And, armed with my handgun, beheld a strange sight.

Some red-suited clown with a white beard immense
Was caught in our eight-foot electrified fence;
He called out, "I'm Santa! I bring you no malice!"
Said I, "If you're Santa, I'm Telly Savalas!"

But, lo, as his presence grew clearer to me,
I saw in the glare that it just might be he!
I called off our doberman clawing at his sleigh
And, frisking him twice, said, "I think he's okay."

I led him inside where he slumped in a chair,
And he poured out the following tale of despair;
"On Christmas eves past I was jolly and chuckling,
But now 'neath the pressures, I fear I am buckling."

"You'll note I've arrived with no reindeer this year,
And without them, my sleigh is much harder to steer;
Although I would like to continue to use them,
The wild life officials believe I abuse them."

"To add to my problem, Ralph Nader dropped by
And told me my sleigh was unsafe in the sky;
I now must wear seatbelts, despite my objections,
And bring in the sleigh twice a year for inspections."

"Last April my workers came forth with demands,
And I soon had a general strike on my hands;
I couldn't afford to pay unionized elves,
So the missus and I did the work by ourselves."

"And then, later on, came additional trouble-
An avalanche left my fine workshop in rubble;
My Allstate insurance was worthless, because
They had shrewdly slipped in a 'no avalanche' clause"

"And after that came an I.R.S audit;
The government claimed I was out to defraud it;
They finally nailed me for 65 grand,
Which I paid through the sale of my house and my land."

"And yet I persist, though it gives me a scare
Flying blind through the blanket of smog in the air;
Not to mention the hunters who fill me with dread,
Taking shots at my sleigh as I pass overhead."

"My torn-up red suit, and these bruises and swellings,
I got fighting muggers in multiple dwellings.
And if you should ask why I'm glowing tonight,
It's from flying too close to a nuclear site."

He rose from his chair and he heaved a great sigh,
And I couldn't help notice a tear in his eye;
"I've tried," he declared, "to reverse each defeat,
But I fear that today I've become obsolete."

He slumped out the door and returned to his sleigh,
And these last words he spoke as he went on his way;
"No longer can I do the job that's required;
If anyone asks, just say,'Santa's retired!'"

Guardian of the Universe Gamera says, "This parody was originally published in Mad Magazine in the winter of 1981, in case you're wondering who the hell Donnie, Marie and Telly Savalas are."