Another Hollywood Icon Dead

One of Hollywood's most recognizable character actors, Vincent Schiavelli is dead from lung cancer. He was 57 years old and passed away at his home in Sicily, Italy.

Vinny, Vidi, Vici

Tonight, on the final ABC broadcast of Monday Night Football, New York Jet Quarterback Vinny Testaverde made history against the New England Patriots.
No, he did not lead the Gotham Green in a miracle comeback against the defending Superbowl champions. That would be impossible. Vincenzo merely did the improbable.
Testaverde became the only man in NFL history to have thrown at least one touchdown pass in 19 consecutive seasons.

Congratulations are due to a former Heisman Trophy winner whose NFL career started off as what many experts said would be a catastrophe. Vincenzo only went on to be #6 on the all-time list for passing yards. And now, nobody has thrown a touchdown pass in as many consecutive seasons.

In honor of Vinny's accomplishments, here is an image of the lovely Belinda Gavin-

Oooo la la!

To comment on Testaverde, goto the Turzman Message Board.

Season's Fleetings

Hope your X-Mas was a psychotic one. May your new year be sexy and prosperous.

Turz

Lit Review- Great Trek Novel

Here's a little something for you fans of the written Trek; I have a new favorite Trek novel, First Frontier.
Imagine Star Trek meeting Jurassic Park and throwing in battles from Lord of the Rings; that is an adequate summation of this novel.
After testing a new type of warp shielding, the crew of the Enterprise finds itself in a universe unlike the one they know. The Romulans and Klingons have been at war for centuries, and the Klingons are on the brink of extinction. The Vulcans are scandelous merchants playing both sides against the middle and oddly enough, there is no United Federation of Planets.
The Enterprise returns to Earth to find that there is no civilization, other than dinosaurs! Somebody traveled back in time and prevented the giant asteroid that killed off all the dinos from hitting the planet!
How and why you may ask? Well Kirk, Spock, McCoy, a landing party and two captured Klingons go through the Guardian of Forever to Earth's prehistoric past to find out.
All Trek fans will love this novel, and avid readers will appreciate the well-woven story. I strongly recommend "Star Trek: First Frontier."

Here's some fun stuff for ya-

A 3-D version of Pong called, CURVEBALL. http://kontraband.com/show/show.asp?ID=931&rtn=main-topten

A personal fave, Mad Shark- http://www.ebaumsworld.com/madshark.html

The very cool De-Animator. Beat my record of 538 zombies blasted... http://www.ebaumsworld.com/deanimator.html

A variation of the classic Breakout called, Breakit... http://www.ebaumsworld.com/breakit.html

Bumper cars meet Air Hockey in Bumperball... http://www.ebaumsworld.com/bumperball.html

See how far you can knock these penguins... http://n.ethz.ch/student/mkos/pinguin.swf My record is 313 feet.

Help this drunk stagger home... http://www.ebaumsworld.com/homerun.html Try to beat my 412 meters.

The water supply to Chasmtown has mysteriously stopped. It's up to you to solve the mystery. I completed this game in under an hour...good luck! http://www.ebaumsworld.com/chasm.html

Watch this girl fall and bounce lifelessly on randomly placed bubbles... http://www.ebaumsworld.com/flash/bubblegirl.html Click and drag to throw her body around too!

Test your aim with Papertoss... http://www.ebaumsworld.com/papertoss.html

Here are some timeless songs that will never be too dopey or uncool to be found at Turzman Central-

The very cool Badger Song- http://www.badgerbadgerbadger.com/

The equally cool Llama Song- http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/llama.php

The Great White Shark Song, by abc- http://www.abc4explore.com/gwsharksong.html

And of course, America, F@#k Yeah!!! http://www.cannibalthemusical.net/ta/america.htm

Richard Pryor

Richard Pryor, 1940-2005


Say what you want about Bill Cosby, but nobody was more prolithic to the advancement of black comedians than Richard Pryor. He wasn't profane for the sake of profanity and he didn't just tell jokes. He told stories. Stories about himself. Pryor took personal tragedies and turned them into comedic gold, teaching us that we can be brutally honest and really funny at the same time.
It's been said that stand up comedy has it's own Holy Trinity; consisting of Lenny Bruce, George Carlin and Richard Pryor. A bigger pedastel cannot be built or be more accurate.
If death comes in 3's, and an entertainer of Pryor's stature has passed, who the hell are we gonna lose next???

Coyote Volleyball Update

The CSUSB women's volleyball team is one victory away from going to the elite eight in the national championships.
As I write this, they are playing Cal State LA for the regional championships after knocking off BYU Hawaii 3-0, and coming from behind to defeat Central Washington, 3-2.
Fuck the Golden Eagles, Go Yotes!
More 411 to come later.

The Turzman, calling volleyball for Coyote Radio as the Yotes demolish Cal State Bakersfield.

I've always loved this pic-


And here's a little something for the kids-


From the early days of radio-


My new avatar-


Check out Paper Telephone-
http://www.papertelephone.com

And from the mouth of babes-

Halloween Blog

Happy Halloween, fuckers.
I hope you all gag on candy.

Join Me in Glorious Battle!

I need to build an army and you can help. Just click this link-
http://www.kingsofchaos.com/recruit.php?uniqid=tm6mj2uu
and follow the instructions. All you need to do is click one button.

Once my force is amassed, I will conquer some unsuspecting army at Kings of Chaos.

As your reward for joining, check out this joke Timescars sent me via IM...

sharkyshark037: tell me the joke
ccTimeScarscc: Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golfcourse when a guy carrying a golf bag called out to them, "Do you mind if I joinyou? My partner didn't turn up."
"Sure," they said, "You're welcome."
So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer. Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer, "What do you do for a living?"
"I'm a hit man," was the reply.
"You're joking!" was the response.
"No, I'm not," he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight. "Here are my tools."
"That's a beautiful telescopic sight," said the other friend, "Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here."
So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house. "Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can see right in the window." "Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ha Ha, I can see she's naked!! Wait ! a minute , that's my neighbor in there with her...... He's naked, too!!! The bitch!"
He turned to the hitman, "How much do you charge for a hit?"
"I'll do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger."
"Can you do two for me now?"
"Sure, what do you want?"
"First, shoot my wife, she's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth." "Then the neighbor, he's a friend of mine, so just shoot his dick off to teach him a lesson."
The hit man took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes.
"Are you going to do it or not?" said the friend impatiently.
"Just be patient," said the hitman calmly, "I think I can save you a grand here.....

mySpace Users Really Grind My Gears...

Here is a blog I posted at mySpace.com after receiving a friend request from porn star Jordan Capri...

Monday, October 24, 2005

Famous people want to be my friend
Current mood: insulted

So I got a friend request from Jordan Capri tonight...

Who is that, you ask? She's a porn star. Excuse me, she's a MODEL. Heh.

That got me to thinking about all the famous people that were SOOOO intrigued with the Turz that they just had to be my friend, and requested as much....

Jet Li, Leile Sobieski, Sarah Michelle Gellar, William Shatner, Taylor Rain, Jenna Jameson (twice), Jackie Chan, President George Bush, Bender from Futurama, Brianna Banks, just to name a few.

Either my mySpace profile suggests I'm gullible, or these people really think they're fooling us. They are such jackasses. I wish they would just,

fade away.

To be fair, there is one famous person on my friend list that I think is really legit. Mad kudos to Barry Zito (just barry). Even if it's not legit, i enjoy talking baseball with him.

The rest of you should just die already.

Currently listening: Reign in Blood
By Slayer
Release date: By 12 March, 2002
10:59 PM - 3 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

People are pretty dumb. Anyway---

I have recieved e-mails from people saying that the image of octopus on a plate was too disgusting, so here's a little something for the faint of heart...


"Essence of Gelfling!"

Or maybe this image of Bruce the mechanical shark-


C-ya in the funny papers.

I Dined on Octopus, and It Was GOOD...

This is what Tursiart and I ate for dinner last night. All ingredients were purchased at the 99cent only store...

What you are looking at is baby octopus and shitaki mushrooms sauteed and served over couscous. The sides are garlic-marinated mushrooms and greek pepperocinis. The red stuff is asian hot sauce.

Dinner for two for less than 5 bucks- the 99 cent only store rules.

Play these games and songs...

A 3-D version of Pong called, CURVEBALL.
http://kontraband.com/show/show.asp?ID=931&rtn=main-topten

A personal fave, Mad Shark-
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/madshark.html

The very cool De-Animator. Beat my record of 538 zombies blasted...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/deanimator.html

A variation of the classic Breakout called, Breakit...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/breakit.html

Bumper cars meet Air Hockey in Bumperball...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/bumperball.html

See how far you can knock these penguins...
http://n.ethz.ch/student/mkos/pinguin.swf
My record is 313 feet.

Help this drunk stagger home...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/homerun.html
Try to beat my 412 meters.

The water supply to Chasmtown has mysteriously stopped. It's up to you to solve the mystery. I completed this game in under an hour...good luck!
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/chasm.html

Watch this girl fall and bounce lifelessly on randomly placed bubbles...http://www.ebaumsworld.com/flash/bubblegirl.htmlClick and drag to throw her body around too!Test your aim with Papertoss...http://www.ebaumsworld.com/papertoss.html

Here are some timeless songs that will never be too dopey or uncool to be found at Turzman Central-

The very cool Badger Song-
http://www.badgerbadgerbadger.com/

The equally cool Llama Song-
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/llama.php

The Great White Shark Song, by abc-
http://www.abc4explore.com/gwsharksong.html

And of course, America, F@#k Yeah!!!
http://www.cannibalthemusical.net/ta/america.htm

Coyote Volleyball Bounces Back

Right side hitter, Katie Hatch. The Turzman's new fave Coyote V-ball player.

After a stunning and rare loss at home to Cal Poly Pomona Friday night, the Coyotes bounced right backed and swept Cal State Dominguez Hill. Here is the full story, as seen on The Coyotes Online...


SAN BERNARDINO -- Still smarting from a rare 3-0 home defeat administered by Cal Poly Pomona on Friday, Cal State San Bernardino took their frustration out on Cal State Dominguez Hills Saturday night with a convincing 3-0 sweep in a CCAA volleyball match in Coussoulis Arena.
The Coyotes, 12-3 overall and 6-1 in the CCAA, got a match-high 12 kills from sophomore right-side hitter Katie Hatch and 11 kills and 10 digs from freshman outside hitter Traci Weamer (her sixth double-double of the season), to down the Toros 30-12, 30-13 and 30-16.
Sophomore setter Kristin Ingalls saw plenty of action, with a match-leading 20 assists while senior setter Cristen Trent had 15 assists. Senior middle blocker Amy Long had two solo blocks and three block assists. She now has 16 solos thus far in 2005
Kristin Sosa had a team-high six kills for the Toros, now 4-9 overall and 1-7 in the CCAA. Amber Harder had 18 assists while libero Sylvia Bonilla had a match-high 11 digs. The Toros offense was stifled by the Coyotes, hitting a minus .042 on 23 kills in 96 attacks with 27 attack errors. CSUSB had 13 team blocks and 22 block assists with Jessica Granados, Sara Rice and Sharea Drawn each getting for block assists.
The Coyotes hit a phenomenal .425 as a team including .577 in game two as they converted 42 of 80 attacks with just eight attack errors. Hatch hit .474 on 19 attacks while Weamer was an efficient .611 hitting on 11 of 18. Lisa Dogonyaro notched three service aces off her jump serve. The Toros had just two block assists the entire match.
It was a rough road trip for Cal State Dominguez Hills, facing the nation's No. 10 team -- UC San Diego -- and the No. 2 team -- Cal State San Bernardino -- on successive nights.
Now it's the Coyotes turn to play tough teams on the road, starting with Cal State L.A. on Oct. 7 and Cal State Bakersfield on Oct. 8, followed by a match at UC San Diego on Oct. 15.

Both games were webcasted LIVE on Coyote Radio. The next volleyball webcast will be on October 28 & 29.

Play these...

A 3-D version of Pong called, CURVEBALL.
http://kontraband.com/show/show.asp?ID=931&rtn=main-topten

A personal fave, Mad Shark-
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/madshark.html

The very cool De-Animator. Beat my record of 538 zombies blasted...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/deanimator.html

A variation of the classic Breakout called, Breakit...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/breakit.html

Bumper cars meet Air Hockey in Bumperball...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/bumperball.html

See how far you can knock these penguins...
http://n.ethz.ch/student/mkos/pinguin.swf
My record is 313 feet.

Help this drunk stagger home...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/homerun.html
Try to beat my 412 meters.

The water supply to Chasmtown has mysteriously stopped. It's up to you to solve the mystery. I completed this game in under an hour...good luck!http://www.ebaumsworld.com/chasm.html

Watch this girl fall and bounce lifelessly on randomly placed bubbles...http://www.ebaumsworld.com/flash/bubblegirl.htmlClick and drag to throw her body around too!Test your aim with Papertoss...http://www.ebaumsworld.com/papertoss.html

Here are some timeless songs that will never be too dopey or uncool to be found at Turzman Central…

The very cool Badger Song-
http://www.badgerbadgerbadger.com/

The equally cool Llama Song-
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/llama.php

The Great White Shark Song, by abc-
http://www.abc4explore.com/gwsharksong.html

And of course, America, F@#k Yeah!!!
http://www.cannibalthemusical.net/ta/america.htm

Death Comes in 3's

60's TV took another hit this week. First Trek's Scotty passed, then we lost Gilligan just 3 weeks ago.
Now, Agent 86 joins Chief at Control in the Sky...
"Get Smart" gets dead, Don Adams was 82 years old.
Fighting Kaos on a new front.

Blogger Finally Works!

I haven't been able to post since 9/11!
Stupid blogger.com made some changes, but Webmaster Steve saved the day.

We Don't Forget

We Do Not Forget

Volleyball Broadcast Tonight!

This note is to let you all know that Coyote Radio will be broadcasting the women's volleyball game between the Cal State San Bernardino Coyotes (ranked #2 in the nation) and the UC San Diego Tritons (ranked # 10).
I will be doing play by play and Wes Collins will be on board with color commentary. Our pre-game show starts at 6:40 pm and the game starts at 7 pm (pacific standard time).
So if you want to catch some exciting volleyball action between 2 of the best teams in the country, and you can't come out to the Coussoulis Arena, listen to it live on the New Coyote Radio-
http://coyoteradio.csusb.edu

Here are the national rankings, based on the American Volleyball Coaches Association poll:

Rank School 2005 Record
1 Truman 8-0
2 Cal State San Bernardino 6-2
3 Nebraska-Kearney 7-1
4 Concordia-St. Paul 6-2
5 Minnesota Duluth 6-2
6 Hawai Pacific 9-1
7 Tampa 6-2
8 Central Missouri State 4-3
9 Central Washington 6-2
10 UC San Diego 6-1
11 Washburn 9-0
12 Grand Valley State 5-3
13 Ferris State 5-0
14 Florida Southern 7-1
15 North Alabama 7-0
16 Augustana (S.D.) 6-3
17 Barry 3-5
18 Chaminade 5-1
19 Abilene Christian 4-3
20 Cal Sate L.A. 8-0
21 Lock Haven 4-4
22 Rockhurst 4-1
23 Northern Michigan 3-5
24 Seattle Pacific 5-3
25 Metro State 4-3
30 Cal State Bakersfield 7-1
T33 Cal Poly Pomona 8-0

Hope you all can tune in and enjoy the game.

Gotta Love Minor League Baseball

So I'm at Arrowhead Credit Union Park, taking in the game between the host Inland Empire 66ers and the Visalia Oaks and then the announcement is made:
"All fans in attendance shall receive a free loaf of bread and tube of toothpaste."

No shit. I can't make this up, people.

After the game, as we flocked to the parking lot under the cover of the weekly Friday Night post game fireworks show, all fans actually received a loaf of Sara Lee white bread and a tube of toothpaste. God, I love the minor leagues.
Final score... Sixers 6, Visalia 4.

If you're curious, here are the California League Standings:
NORTH
Stockton 36-24 --
San Jose 35-26 1.5
Modesto 30-29 5.5
Bakersfield 29-32 7.5
Visalia 24-36 12.0

SOUTH
High Desert 36-25 --
Lancaster 32-29 4.0
Rancho Cucamonga 30-30 5.5
Inland Empire 26-34 9.5
Lake Elsinore 23-36 12.0

By the way, the results of the 48 Hour Film project are finally in.
The Freak Show Entertainment entry "Spyware," hauled in 4 awards and came in a close second place. Here is the announcement as seen at http://www.48hourfilmproject.com

San Diego 48 Hour Film Project The Results Are In!
The Judges Have Spoken! Our panel of judges has made its decision. Congratulations to all of the filmmakers and teams who participated. We are proud to announce our San Diego winners!

JUDGES’ AWARDS:

Best Use of Character
"Amor Tomado" by Team Squeeze!
Best Use of Prop
"Superhero Form 3254-A" by Atomic Toast
Best Use of Line of Dialogue
"Superhero Form 3254-A" by Atomic Toast
Best Special Effects
"Superhero Form 3254-A" by Atomic Toast
Best Costumes
"Wannabe" by Galaxy Films Productions
Best Music
“Spyware” by Freak Show
Best Sound Design
“Spyware” by Freak Show
Best Acting
"Scared Slim" by Extreme Film Crew
Best Editing
“Spyware” by Freak Show
Best Script
"Scared Slim" by Extreme Film Crew
Best Cinematography
“Spyware” by Freak Show
Best Directing
"Scared Slim" by Extreme Film Crew
Best Film
"Scared Slim" by Extreme Film Crew

"Spyware" can be seen at the Freak Show website:
http://www.freakshowentertainment.com

Storm Baseball

Forget the pros. You wanna have the same fun as going to a major league baseball game at a tenth of the price? Then look up your local minor league baseball team and visit them. Take in a game. For about ten bucks you get a seat with your feet on the dugout.

Saturday night, my dad and I traveled out to the ugly, yet quaint city of Lake Elsinore where they have, as surprising as it seems, a remarkable baseball field called the lake Elsinore Diamond, home of the Lake Elsinore Storm, the advanced single A affiliate of the San Diego Padres. By the way, they have the best logo in all of sports...


We watched them defeat the High Desert Mavericks (advanced single A affiliate of the Kansas City Royals, what's up Wes - ) by the score of 2-0. It was an exciting pitcher's duel that was over in just about 2 hours.

Now I'm no stranger to minor league baseball, being only ten minutes away from Arrowhead Credit union Park, home of the Inland Empire 66ers (Seattle Mariners). But what makes Storm baseball more enjoyable is the fact that it is not in downtown San Ber-doo. I strongly recommend minor league baseball because it's fun for the entire family, and it's not expensive.


Visit the Storm on the web...

http://www.stormbaseball.com

The lovely Dana De Armond


Play the follwing games for your own enlightenment...
A 3-D version of Pong called, CURVEBALL.
http://kontraband.com/show/show.asp?ID=931&rtn=main-topten

A personal fave, Mad Shark-
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/madshark.html

The very cool De-Animator. Beat my record of 538 zombies blasted...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/deanimator.html

A variation of the classic Breakout called, Breakit...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/breakit.html

Bumper cars meet Air Hockey in Bumperball...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/bumperball.html

See how far you can knock these penguins...
http://n.ethz.ch/student/mkos/pinguin.swf
My record is 313 feet.

Help this drunk stagger home...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/homerun.html
Try to beat my 412 meters.

The water supply to Chasmtown has mysteriously stopped. It's up to you to solve the mystery. I completed this game in under an hour...good luck!http://www.ebaumsworld.com/chasm.html

Watch this girl fall and bounce lifelessly on randomly placed bubbles...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/flash/bubblegirl.html
Click and drag to throw her body around too!

Test your aim with Papertoss...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/papertoss.html

Here are some timeless songs that will never be too dopey or uncool to be found at Turzman Central…

The very cool Badger Song-
http://www.badgerbadgerbadger.com/

The equally cool Llama Song-
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/llama.php

The Great White Shark Song, by abc-
http://www.abc4explore.com/gwsharksong.html

And of course, America, F@#k Yeah!!!
http://www.cannibalthemusical.net/ta/america.htm



Courtney from New Jersey.

No Radio Show, Week 2

I'm supposed to be in the final stages of the weekly Turzman Summertime Extravaganza right now.
I should be commenting on the latest shark attacks and shark news in the Internet's only weekly shark attack report.
I am doing none of these things. Part of me is frustrated with it, but I must remind myself and all of you that the New Coyote Radio ( http://coyoteradio.csusb.edu ) is upgrading its facilities and should be better than ever, real soon.
So be patient, friends of The Turz, if for no other reason that I must be patient as well. I will be back on the air next Wednesday from noon to 4 pm, pacific.

Leave your comments on the Turzman PhanFone- 909-881-3654. Leave an e-mail at mike@turzman.com

Every website needs a little bit of cowbell...


Play these games or else!
A 3-D version of Pong called, CURVEBALL.
http://kontraband.com/show/show.asp?ID=931&rtn=main-topten

A personal fave, Mad Shark-
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/madshark.html

The very cool De-Animator. Beat my record of 538 zombies blasted...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/deanimator.html

A variation of the classic Breakout called, Breakit...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/breakit.html

Bumper cars meet Air Hockey in Bumperball...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/bumperball.html

See how far you can knock these penguins...
http://n.ethz.ch/student/mkos/pinguin.swf
My record is 313 feet.

Help this drunk stagger home...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/homerun.html
Try to beat my 412 meters.

The water supply to Chasmtown has mysteriously stopped. It's up to you to solve the mystery. I completed this game in under an hour...good luck!http://www.ebaumsworld.com/chasm.html

Watch this girl fall and bounce lifelessly on randomly placed bubbles...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/flash/bubblegirl.html
Click and drag to throw her body around too!

Test your aim with Papertoss...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/papertoss.html

Here are some timeless songs that will never be too dopey or uncool to be found at Turzman Central-

The very cool Badger Song-
http://www.badgerbadgerbadger.com/

The equally cool Llama Song-
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/llama.php

The Great White Shark Song, by abc-
http://www.abc4explore.com/gwsharksong.html

And of course, America, F@#k Yeah!!!
http://www.cannibalthemusical.net/ta/america.htm

The Turzman says...
"Always practice SAFE SEX!"







C-ya in the funny papers...

I gotta beat my brother to this

lil' Joey went to his first baseball game today, and I wanted to post the pic before Steve got home and did it...



Anyway, Mets vs Dodgers from Flushing, NY.
Dodgers 6, Mets 5.
BLAST!!!

Stupid Dodgers. God, I hate LA.

Here come the games...

A 3-D version of Pong called, CURVEBALL.
http://kontraband.com/show/show.asp?ID=931&rtn=main-topten

A personal fave, Mad Shark-
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/madshark.html

The very cool De-Animator. Beat my record of 538 zombies blasted...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/deanimator.html

A variation of the classic Breakout called, Breakit...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/breakit.html

Bumper cars meet Air Hockey in Bumperball...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/bumperball.html

See how far you can knock these penguins...
http://n.ethz.ch/student/mkos/pinguin.swf
My record is 313 feet.

Help this drunk stagger home...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/homerun.html
Try to beat my 412 meters.

The water supply to Chasmtown has mysteriously stopped. It's up to you to solve the mystery. I completed this game in under an hour...good luck!
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/chasm.html

Watch this girl fall and bounce lifelessly on randomly placed bubbles...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/flash/bubblegirl.html
Click and drag to throw her body around too!

Test your aim with Papertoss...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/papertoss.html



mine?

48 Hr Film Contest

Well kids, Freakshow Entertainment's entry into the 48 hour film project made its debut last night at the screening in San Diego.
In a previous blog, I said that I wasn't impressed with our final product, my name was spelled wrong in the credits, and i didn't get the credit I deserved.
That's all still very true.
However, being the magnificent team player that I am, I still made the trip with Ezequiel, Joseph and Robert to support our work.
I was even less impressed with our competition.
I'd say there are only two, maybe three films (out of 20 entries) that can compete with ours, but I can't be confident because who knows how stupid the judges are.

Anyway, our entry, entitled "Spyware" can be seen at the Freakshow website:
http://www.freakshowentertainment.com/



Enjoy! Leave feedback at the guestbook.

o



Flogging of the week:
Mad props goto Webmaster Steve for this terriffic joke at my expense,
courtesy of REDSEXGODDESS...



Good job. Anyone else wanna take a shot, as long as I'm feeling lower than a gopher's basement, I'm an easy target!

Trek's Scotty Dead at 85

Rest in Peace, James Doohan
Dead at 85

'Star Trek' Icon Doohan DiesJul 20, 10:46 AM EST
The Associated Press
LOS ANGELES -- James Doohan, the burly chief engineer of the Starship Enterprise in the original "Star Trek" TV series and motion pictures who responded to the command "Beam me up, Scotty," died early Wednesday. He was 85.

Doohan died at 5:30 a.m. at his Redmond, Wash., home with his wife of 28 years, Wende, at his side, Los Angeles agent and longtime friend Steve Stevens said. The cause of death was pneumonia and Alzheimer's disease, he said.

The Canadian-born Doohan was enjoying a busy career as a character actor when he auditioned for a role as an engineer in a new space adventure on NBC in 1966. A master of dialects from his early years in radio, he tried seven different accents.

"The producers asked me which one I preferred," Doohan recalled 30 years later. "I believed the Scot voice was the most commanding. So I told them, 'If this character is going to be an engineer, you'd better make him a Scotsman.'"

The series, which starred William Shatner as Capt. James T. Kirk and Leonard Nimoy as the enigmatic Mr. Spock, attracted an enthusiastic following of science fiction fans, especially among teen-agers and children, but not enough ratings power. NBC canceled it after three seasons.

When the series ended in 1969, Doohan found himself typecast as Montgomery Scott, the canny engineer with a burr in his voice. In 1973, he complained to his dentist, who advised him: "Jimmy, you're going to be Scotty long after you're dead. If I were you, I'd go with the flow."

"I took his advice," said Doohan, "and since then everything's been just lovely."

I Got No One to Blame But Myself

Well, the thrill is gone.
This will probably be the last time I post about REDSEXGODDESS.



Needless to say, all of you that called me a sucker were right. I guess I saw it coming. You may take your shots in the guestbook.

A 3-D version of Pong called, CURVEBALL.
http://kontraband.com/show/show.asp?ID=931&rtn=main-topten

A personal fave, Mad Shark-
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/madshark.htm

lThe very cool De-Animator. Beat my record of 538 zombies blasted...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/deanimator.html

A variation of the classic Breakout called, Breakit...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/breakit.html

Bumper cars meet Air Hockey in Bumperball...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/bumperball.html

See how far you can knock these penguins...
http://n.ethz.ch/student/mkos/pinguin.swf
My record is 313 feet.

Help this drunk stagger home...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/homerun.html
Try to beat my 412 meters.

The water supply to Chasmtown has mysteriously stopped. It's up to you to solve the mystery. I completed this game in under an hour...good luck!http://www.ebaumsworld.com/chasm.html

Watch this girl fall and bounce lifelessly on randomly placed bubbles...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/flash/bubblegirl.html
Click and drag to throw her body around too!

Test your aim with Papertoss...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/papertoss.html




Julisa's site is not in existence anymore. I don't know what happened, but here's a pic for you to stare at.

E-mail me at mike@turzman.com or leave a message at
909-881-3654.

I won't be taking any calls for a while and this week's radio show is cancelled due to new equipment coming into the booth this week. I promise I'll be back on the air next Wednesday at noon, pacific. In the meantimte I'm gonna drive to the top of the tallest mountain here in San Ber-doo (notice i did not say "hike." It's not worth that much effort) and search my soul for defects, because something is wrong with me.


What you did sucks and you know it. Not even a fucking apology.
Goodbye, Goddess.

48 Hr. Film Contest

Do you think you can shoot and edit a film in less than 2 days?
We did it in one day.

That's right, my friends from Freak Show Entertainment and Broken Pictures (links to websites can be found here at Turzman Central) entered such a contest and allowed me to tag along for the ride.

Well, that's pretty much all I got credit for anyway.

Here's how it works...
the Overlords of this contest assigns each team a genre, a character name and specialty, a prop and one line of dialogue that must be used in the film. The rest is up to the competing team to fill in the blanks. We received our assignment Friday night at 7:30 and our entry, completely shot and edited, was due Sunday night at 7:30.

In the week leading up to Friday, once we were officially entered into the contest, we went to work. Ezequiel brought me onboard from the start to help out and I was excited to be a part. We had to get a crew, talent, equipment and scout a location in less than a week, without knowing what our film would be about.
That's not a lot of time but in the interest of time, I'll just say we got it done.

So there we were on Friday night, the collection of creative minds eagerly waiting on a phone call from Joseph and Robert, who were in San Diego getting our assignment. We were given the following...

Genre: Spy
Character: M. Munchley, who is a computer expert.
Prop: A salt shaker.
Line of dialogue: "Location, location, location."

That's it. Again, in the interest of time, I'll say that we got it done.
I will say this; how the salt shaker was incorporated and used in the film was my idea (although I think the actual scene was shot poorly and comes across as dumb). I take credit for this tidbit because I didn't get credit for much else.
Rather than regail you with how proud I was of the overall shoot, I'm gonna complain, because in the end, I'm at the very bottom of the credits list under "sound."
Oh yeah, and they spelled my name wrong too.

So I'm not happy. Maybe I'm being selfish, but I deserve a little more credit than what I got. I never said I was a good team player, hell, I'm a control freak. But this was a slap in my face.

Here's my advice, don't get into the movie business. The friends you make treat you like this, so you can imagine what happens when you're in the hands of back-stabbing vultures who don't know you from the man in the fucking moon. It's too late for me. I've made my bed and must lay in it.

Oh yeah, they spelled my name wrong.

There is no games list this time. There are no links to or pictures of beautiful women. Nothing can make me feel better right now. Not Julissa, not Dana,
not even my beautiful and wonderful REDSEXGODDESS.
Check my blog archives for these lists.

Did I mention that they spelled my fucking name wrong?

"The Crystal Ball Floats!!!"

"The crystal ball floats, the CRYSTAL BALL FLOATS!" said Ezequiel , over and over again after we went on the Haunted Mansion ride at Disneyland yesterday.
You heard me right.
As ashamed of myself as I am, I did the unmentionable yesterday. I broke a solemn vow, (much like Hatori Hanzo in Kill Bill) and visited the self-proclaimed "happiest place on Earth."
(Happiness is in the heart of the beholder. Personally, in my opinion {to which I am entitled} I think Disneyland is a rotten, overcrowded, miserable shithole).
But it is true, the crystal ball in the haunted mansion does float now, instead of just sitting on the table with the chick's head in it. The chick's head is till in the ball, and her mouth continues to run non-stop, but more on the crystal ball later. Let me start with parking...

Having never been back since long before the California Adventure park was even a hard-on in Michael Eisner's pants, I was unaware of Disneyland's new parking schema, and guess what-
they fucked it up.

Leave it to Disney to take a simple concept like parking and turn it into a "grade one cluster fuck." Rather than rape the consumers with the fee and tell them where to park in an open lot, they give you the receipt (and parking is only $10 now. Holy crap!!! A price that actually decreased??? Damn!) and send you back out onto Ball Road and three miles down to the new parking complex.

Let me repeat that because it's rather idiotic...
you drive into an empty lot, pay the fee, get the receipt, and drive onto a street and down the block (about 3 miles, we had to ask for directions twice because we couldn't believe this was actually happening).
The parking complex is a nice touch. I appreciate that my black Honda Civic does not have to take a pounding by the sun for nine hours, making the steering wheel untouchable. But why not sell the parking permits at the parking structure? It only works in every single other parking garage in the world, why wouldn't it work in Anaheim? Does Disney have to feel SO unique in every aspect that they have to change a concept like parking your car? Do they have to make it more confusing and annoying to the customers just for the sake of being different? I can't think of any other reason why they would set this up like that.
I understand that traffic would be fucked up on Ball Rd, leading all the way back to the freeway, but since when is Disney concerned with efficiency or the well being of their consumers? Once your money is in their till, they don't give less than a shit about you. So despite parking prices being reasonable, parking is still fucked.
Now, as for California Adventure, it sucks, just like Disneyland.
The same crowds, lines and price gauging make this park a carbon copy of it's older brother. But I've been told many different times how great the California Adventure is.
Stupid people piss me off...

First of all, a day pass for both parks costs $75 per person.
One word: larceny.

The next atrocity:
We stood in line for almost 2 hours to ride a Bigfoot Rapids ripoff (which is a Roaring Rapids ripoff) and then we went on a ride which, Ezequiel swore up and down, that I would love.
The Hollywood Hotel Twilight Zone Tower of Terror.
The impressive moniker not withstanding, it is simply a combination of Free Fall and the Haunted Mansion, sans the whimsey.

Again, we stood in line for almost 2 hours, and the interior of this hotel is simply a front desk-set with massive amounts of cobwebs. Ooooo- spooky. Then we watch a watered-down, Disney-produced, unimpressive intro to a Twilight Zone episode (including a piss poor voice over by an amateur Rod Serling impersonator, don't quit your day job kiddo) where they gave a lame, cut and paste, thrown together at the last minute, back story of the ghosts that supposedly haunt this 13 story turd in the sky.

We are then led through the bowels of this building, more cobwebs covering what is supposed to look like a boiler room, and we wait for another 40 minutes. When we finally get to the ride portion of this giant line simulator attraction, we sit down, and then we go up and down, 3 times, really fast. In between, we are shown holographic ghosts talked about in the back story. In a nutshell, BFD. The lone saving grace of the Tower of Terror is the weightless feeling associated with a free fall. Floating in your seat underneath your seatbelt is truly a cool feeling that everyone must experience once, but I suggest you go to Six Flags and ride the original Free Fall, because the lame ass ghosts do this Tower attraction no justice.

I'll say this for the California Adventure, California Screamin' is a bitchin' roller coaster, one of the best I've ridden. And on this glorious day, the wait in line was under ten minutes. We actually rode this one twice, back to back, and I'd do it again if the line is that quick.

Next atrocity:
Disneyland's main park; a monument to capitalism incarnate where millions of morons come to worship a six foot fucking rat. I swear, I hope Mickey gets hold of some tainted cheese and drops dead as children watch and become emotionally ruined for the rest of their lives.

Disneyland; that mystical place where a 50 cent churro magically costs $2.50. A place where close quarters reek of B.O. and sweat and nobody seems to care. A place where minions constantly remind you of non-existant "smoking areas" when you want to light up, but never show you where one of these imaginary places are. A place where children love to go, hate to leave and scream loudly when it's time to go. A place where adults hate to go, love to leave, but would never admit it, for the sake of the very rugrats responsible for this hellish excursion. A place where slow people with strollers hinder the progress of people trying to get from point A to B, and then get cursed by the slow people for walking too fast.
Idiots, all of them.

There is one note of good news rising from this ash of horrible memories. Space Mountain has re-opened after being shut down for 5 years. You want irony? I didn't even know the ride was shut down and we go on the day they are having the sneak preview. That is cool because Space Mountain is a fun ride. You want funny? They didn't change a goddamn thing, after being shut down for FIVE YEARS. The ride is pretty much the same, except it's a lot smoother of a ride than I remember. Plus, they did come back to their senses and turn the lights off, like the old-school Space Mountain.
A darkened room, with only superimposed stars everywhere, brings back the tradition of the ride from my youth. It was like seeing an old friend after many years.

So that's it. A day at Disneyland from the eyes of a Disney hater. Does the truth hurt too much, you lame-ass mouse lovers? Read my words and then take a look in the mirror.
Behold the Fool!!!

Oh yeah- I almost forgot...
the crystal ball at the Haunted Mansion floats now.


Visit Julisa at http://www.piczo.com/julisaspencer?g=10424186

Here is the games list...

A 3-D version of Pong called, CURVEBALL.
http://kontraband.com/show/show.asp?ID=931&rtn=main-topten

A personal fave, Mad Shark-
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/madshark.html

The very cool De-Animator. Beat my record of 538 zombies creamed...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/deanimator.html

A variation of the classic Breakout called, Breakit...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/breakit.html

Bumper cars meet Air Hockey in Bumperball...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/bumperball.html

See how far you can knock these penguins...
http://n.ethz.ch/student/mkos/pinguin.swf
My record is 313 feet.

Help this drunk stagger home...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/homerun.html
Try to beat my 412 meters.

The water supply to Chasmtown has mysteriously stopped. It's up to you to solve the mystery. I completed this game in under an hour...good luck!
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/chasm.html

Watch this girl fall and bounce lifelessly on randomly placed bubbles...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/flash/bubblegirl.html
Click and drag to throw her body around too!

Test your aim with Papertoss...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/papertoss.html




mmmmm........

Cool Shark Pic; Some Free Advice

Hey kids...
This pic has been floating around the Internet for about a week now and what kind of shark freak would I be if I didn't post it?



This Bull shark was spotted off the coast of Florida shortly after the second attack last week.
People...if you're gonna go swimming off Florida's Panhandle in El Golfo de Mexico (or anyplace that has water), for God's sake be smart and don't set yourself up for disaster!!! If you follow a few simple, common sense rules, you WON'T get bit.
Read this and learn...

(1) Don't swim after dark when visibility is bad. Yes it's true, sharks have excellent vision, but just like humans, their eyesight diminishes in the failing light. These are not cats. With a few exceptions, sharks can't see very well in the dark. They might mistake you for something they actually WANT to eat.

(2) Don't swim at dusk or dawn. This is when most sharks are practicing active predation. This is when they do the most of their hunting. Don't ask why, nobody knows for sure. They just do.

(3) Don't swim if you have cuts, abrasions, or even scabs. Just because blood is dry doesn't mean it still doesn't leave a scent in the water. And we all know what sharks do when they smell blood.

(4) Don't swim out too far. Yes morons, it is very difficult for lifeguards to help you if it takes them 15 minutes to get to you. And what the hell are you doing that far out anyway? Are you fucking Johnny Weismuller or Mark Spitz? Just because water is shallow doesn't mean you can't swim in it. Stay close to shore, thrill seekers.

(5) This one's for all you surfers and boogeyboarders. If you need a break, go to the shore. If you lounge on your board floating on the surface, you're practically ringing the dinnerbell because you look just like...
yep, you guessed it- a big, fat seal bobbing with the waves. If you are too dumb or lazy to paddle to the beach to take a nap, you deserve to get bitten in half.

(6) Don't swim with seals or dolphins. I don't care how cute they are. Amongst seals, you would be the slowest. It's no coincidence that sharks don't hunt the pack leaders. If you are the slowest, you're probably gonna be the deadest. And dolphins, despite what you remember from Flipper reruns or those rare instances we heard in the news, probably won't fight off a shark to save you. Once they detect danger, they are out of there like Rush Limbaugh at a Weight Watcher's meeting. That leaves you to fend off the world's greatest predator in their element. One less moron = the rest of the morons wanting to kill a magnificent creature because you were busy being cutey-patutey with the dolphins that abandoned you.

(7) Avoid swimming if there are seagulls flocking over an area close to shore. Seagulls are attracted to baitfish and baitfish are attracted to the same things that attract sharks.

All joking aside, be careful out there. Remember that the odds of winning Lotto are better than even seeing a shark at the beach. More people are bitten by dogs than sharks annually. More people die from bee stings than shark bites annually. Don't think about it and you will have fun at the beach.
Don't think about what? Exactly.

Here is the games list...

A 3-D version of Pong called, CURVEBALL.
http://kontraband.com/show/show.asp?ID=931&rtn=main-topten

A personal fave, Mad Shark-
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/madshark.html

The very cool De-Animator. Beat my record of 538 zombies creamed...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/deanimator.html

A variation of the classic Breakout called, Breakit...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/breakit.html

Bumper cars meet Air Hockey in Bumperball...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/bumperball.html

See how far you can knock these penguins...
http://n.ethz.ch/student/mkos/pinguin.swf
My record is 313 feet.

Help this drunk stagger home...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/homerun.html
Try to beat my 412 meters.

The water supply to Chasmtown has mysteriously stopped. It's up to you to solve the mystery. I completed this game in under an hour...good luck!
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/chasm.html

Watch this girl fall and bounce lifelessly on randomly placed bubbles...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/flash/bubblegirl.html
Click and drag to throw her body around too!

Test your aim with Papertoss...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/papertoss.html

Until next time...
you should live and be well!

Movie Review

Hey kids...

Have you ever wondered what the hell has happened to Hollywood, and why we are continually bombarded with sub-par, lame-ass, dog shit movies for entertainment?
It's simple, really. Movie producers no longer care about good stories, they just want to cash in on the ignorance of the average movie-goer. And these idiots keep feeding the machine by not only falling into the trap of spending ten bucks for a ticket and seven dollars for a small popcorn, but they actually think the movies are good.
Stupid people piss me off.

In the last two weeks, I've seen 3 movies (I was dragged to see them, actually).
One that will certainly tease box-office records (War of the Worlds),
one that is a potential summer blockbuster (Batman Begins),
and one that, let's face it, will be lucky to make a profit whether it recieves critical acclaim or not (George Romero's Land of the Dead).

Here's the irony...
the film guaranteed to make the most money was, by far, the worst of the three and Land of the Dead, which will soon be lost in the vast wasteland of video rental was the best.
Floating in between is the unimpressive Batman prequel which failed to impress me in the least.

Let's talk about War of the Worlds...
only Steven Speilberg can take a sci-fi classic and fuck it up as badly as this travesty that has both H.G. and Orson Welles spinning in their respective graves.
All of the action in this film is put on the back-burner as the wafer-thin Tom Cruise gets the most screen time with his two annoying and unlikeable children.
Explosions all around, soldiers getting creamed, and all Speilberg shows us is Tom dry-humping his son or trying to console his daughter (horribly portrayed by the over-rated Dakota Fanning). Every other sound out of her despicable mouth was a painful shrill of a scream that made my earlobes fold over in excrutiating pain.
What a waste of contemporary special effects.
The original film, shot and released over 50 years ago (1952, I think) had better FX, more action, more gore, and characters that were more believable, interesting and most importantly, more sympathetic to the audience. In short, it was a far superior movie to the turd currently in theaters.
Of course, Speilberg felt the need to change something that was already great, and totally re-worked the protagonist. Instead of a credible scientist, we are given a low-life, scumbag dock worker that has a temultuous relationship with his ex-wife and kids. The first half-hour of this snooze-fest is the back story behind this estranged family. It is uninteresting at best and smart movie-goers have absolutely no sympathy for these cock-gobblers.
When the action finally comes to us, it is a major let down.
Unlike the gory, scary, green flame burning death in the original, this one has people all around Cruise simply turning to ash.
Painless and gutless; typical Speilberg.
I'll say this for good ol' Stevie Filmmaker; at least he's gotten off that anti-gentile sentiment high horse he's been on for the last decade and did not try to remind us of how much better Jews are because they were treated so bad by the Nazis 60 years ago. He tried to entertain, but fell miserably short.
Unfortunately, because of you zombies that will blindly love this flick because of Speilberg, Cruise, and the cute little kids in it, this film will break boffo box office and we will continue to be held hostage by this cinematic crap constantly smeared in our faces.
Thanks a lot, assholes.

Speaking of zombies, I must say that Land of the Dead is a fun roller coaster ride of a motion picture and does more justice for Romero's Zombie franchise than Day of the Dead did.
Great performances by Dennis Hopper and John Leguizamo coupled with the mere prescence of the lovely Asia Argento make this film worth seeing by themselves. But the great action and the undead tearing people apart is always fun. My only complaint; not enough gore.
More limbs and heads being ripped from the host bodies and more intestines being chowed on like sausage would have better served this ghoul-fest.

As for Batman Begins, I give it an "eh..."
It didn't suck, but there was too much b.s. to be enjoyable. Now, I'm not saying the Tim Burton cluster-fucks were better, please don't get me wrong, but this unexciting yawn had me wondering when the movie was going to end. Not a good sign when seeing a movie.

The movie going experience is not the same as it was in the days of my youth. With the exception of The Incredibles, I cannot remember the last time I left a movie theater with a smile and a feeling of satisfaction. The general movie going public is to blame because they constantly fill the pockets of those producing sub-par entertainment. You people suck. Listen to my radio show this week to feel further wrath and have the opportunity to sound off against me, if you got the nuts.

Anyway, here are some great time-killers...

Watch this girl fall and bounce lifelessly on randomly placed bubbles...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/flash/bubblegirl.html
Click and drag to throw her body around too!

Test your aim with Papertoss...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/papertoss.html

And a new great game for the games list...
The water supply to Chasmtown has mysteriously stopped. It's up to you to solve the mystery. I completed this game in under an hour...good luck!
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/chasm.html

Here are the other games...

A 3-D version of Pong called, CURVEBALL.
http://kontraband.com/show/show.asp?ID=931&rtn=main-topten

A personal fave, Mad Shark-
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/madshark.html

The very cool De-Animator. Beat my record of 538 zombies blasted...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/deanimator.html

A variation of the classic Breakout called, Breakit...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/breakit.html

Bumper cars meet Air Hockey in Bumperball...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/bumperball.html

See how far you can knock these penguins...
http://n.ethz.ch/student/mkos/pinguin.swf
My record is 313 feet.

Help this drunk stagger home...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/homerun.html
Try to beat my 412 meters.

This pic always makes me laugh...

lol-- stupid hockey ref!


my beautiful goddess.

Any thoughts? Sign the guestbook, or leave a phone message at (909) 881-3654.
Shoot me an e-mail at mike@turzman.com