Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Chipper Jones must die, soon!

Hey kids,
The Turzman here, and today I'm gonna rant about that piece of shit Atlanta Brave-prick,
"Larry" wood-Chipper Jones.
That rat bastard recently infested the world with another demon from his seed, and in an unsportsman-like fashion named the little bitch after his favorite stadium to play in, and the home of my beloved Mets, Shea Stadium.
(Link to the story-- http://msn.foxsports.com/story/2858478 )
It's bad enough that I must tolerate another losing season while those ass-master Braves take advantage of a shitty division (with a shitty team-if you think the Braves will pass the wildcard round this year, you're fucking looped)...
but I have to watch Larry add insult to injury by naming his spawn Shea? Let's be crystal clear about this, kids, he didn't do it out of respect for the rivalry, or even because he has more career home runs (17) at Shea than anywhere save Ted "Mr. Fonda" Turner Field.
Hey Larry, if you like Shea Stadium so much, why don't you see to it that you play there even more by demanding a trade to the Mets, or why didn't you sign a free-agent contract with them instead of the Braves?
Here's the answer--because you're a prickly piece of shit. It's not about respect for the Met-Brave rivalry, which is one of the best in baseball when the Mets can compete, or about Shea Stadium itself...but because you're a selfish, unsportsmanlike, butt bonging, pawn of Ted Turner-Fonda, and you did it to belittle the Mets and their fans.

Well congratulations, ass-face--you did it, mission accomplished, it was a success.

Hey Larry, do you know why birds fly upside-down when they fly over you?
Because you're not worth shitting on.

I'm actually drooling over the post season and I'm glad you and your fucking Braves will win the NL East because I can't wait to watch you assholes get eliminated in the best of five wildcard round by San Diego, the Cubbies, or whoever pulls it off.

Even better yet, Larry, why don't you die tomorrow? And on your way out, take that little rugrat with you. And everything else dear to you, for that matter. How worse can the world become if you meet your demise prematurely? Nobody outside of Atlanta that doesn't support the KKK would shed a bloody tear, believe me.

I hate you and all you represent, you Atlanta Brave, you.

Subject change...
In Coyote Athletics yesterday, women's soccer fell to Seattle University, 1-0 in the 53rd minute of the 90 minute contest. Oh well, good job, girls. In two games played, only one goal allowed.
That's a very promising start. It's gonna be a great season.

Now before I sign off, I feel I should apologize to some people about some of my Chipper-rant.
I said some things that surely come off as horrible and offensive, and I fully and most sincerely apologize to all offended with the exception of Atanta Brave fans and those who purposely refer to themselves as "Chipper".

And what the hell kind of a foo-foo nickname is "Chipper", anyway? It sounds like something a faggot might call his boyfriend during pillow-talk; all cuddly-wuddly in the middle of the night right after a romp of passionate and meaningful butt-sex.

Best regards to all, and I can only hope and pray that I'm in a better mood the next time I post.
And don't take any shit from anybody.

m.

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