Thursday, December 30, 2004

Vegas trip, NFL pix

Hey kids...
Just got back from Vegas, spent two days in Quark's bar & grill at the Hilton sucking down Romulan Ales and other sci-fi themed tasty beverages.
I recommend the Borg spheres and the James Tea Kirks (tasty).
The Cardassian Pockets are a nifty munchy-killer.
The new Borg Invasion ride sucks ass, despite the 4-D fx.
The Klingon encounter still is the best attraction the Hilton has, except for the Australian strippers and their late-night, R-rated cabaret show. Aussie Angels is a must-see for all you lonely bachelors and you scum-baggian jackasses who cheat on your wives and girlfriends.
This Turzman salute goes to the four bartenders at Quark's that put up with me for 2 days and kept the Romulan Ale flowing. Stacey is a real sweetheart.

Okay, on to the NFL business. Here are my pix & the regular rules apply.

BUFFALO over Pittsburgh *
Green Bay over CHICAGO
TENNESSEE over Detroit *
New York Jets over ST. LOUIS *
NEW ENGLAND over San Francisco
Cincinnati over PHILADELPHIA *
Minnesota over WASHINGTON
CAROLINA over New Orleans *
BALTIMORE over Miami *
HOUSTON over Cleveland *
Tampa Bay over ARIZONA
SEATTLE over Atlanta
Indianapolis over DENVER *
Jacksonville over OAKLAND *
SAN DIEGO over Kansas City *
and in the Sunday night finale,
NEW YORK GIANTS over Dallas *
combined point tiebreaker, 54.

Good luck handicappers.

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

NFL pix, turnaround trip to Monterey

Hey kids,
Let's get the football business out of the way. The usual rules apply.
Good luck...

Green Bay over MINNESOTA *
KANSAS CITY over Oakland
Denver over TENNESSEE *
New York Giants over CINCINATTI *
DETROIT over Chicago
INDIANAPOLIS over San Diego *
Atlanta over NEW ORLEANS *
Baltimore over PITTSBURGH *
JACKSONVILLE over Houston *
New England over NEW YORK JETS *
Buffalo over SAN FRANCISCO
DALLAS over Washington *
SEATTLE over Arizona *
Carolina over TAMPA BAY *
Cleveland over MIAMI *
and Monday Night...
ST. LOUIS over Philadelphia *
combined points: 67

Be strong handicappers.

Now for the exciting news...
Anyone going to be in Northern Cal tomorrow? (Thursday)
Well so will I. We're doing a turnaround trip to Monterey to look at the Great White Shark.
Click this link to see her.
If you're gonna be in the neighborhood and have some time to kill, I'll be in the outer bay aquarium basking in her glory for most of the day. Come by and say hi.

The following links are courtesy of abc...
This one is his sight dedicated to the study of White sharks, and my new personal fave...
Click here to listen to the Great White Shark song.
Thanks, abc.

Here are some classics...
The nationally televised Ashlee Simpson screw up is here...

The infamous Yankee fan video is still the most popular here at Turzman Central. It is here...

This guy rocks-
"You have bad taste in music!"

Here's a funny short film about two urine sample cups...

That's all for now kids,
shoot me an e-mail at
or leave a message at 909-881-3654.
Until next time, you should live and be well.

Thursday, December 16, 2004

NFL pix, new shark content

Hey kids,
I'm sorry it's been a while since my last post, but it has been a hectic December so far, with graduation and all- final exams suck.
But now I'm gonna have more free time than I'm used to having, and I don't know what I'm gonna do with myself.
Before I give my football picks, I want to share a link sent to me, courtesy of Mr. abc.
Listen to his original recording- The Great White Shark Song by clicking here-
To visit abc's website devoted to the preservation of the Great White, goto
These links are posted with permission from abc himself, courtesy of Friendster (

Normally, I would post a link here to view the Great White Shark at the Monterey Bay Aquarium, but I've been having trouble with it lately, so until they fix their webcam, here is the link to their shark tank.

Okay, here are football picks for week 15. The usual rules apply.
Pittsburgh over NEW YORK GIANTS
SAN FRANSISCO over Washington *
ATLANTA over Carolina *
CHICAGO over Houston *
CINCINNATI over Bufalo *
San Diego over CLEVELAND *
Minnesota over DETROIT *
KANSAS CITY over Denver *
NEW YORK JETS over Seattle *
St. Louis over ARIZONA *
TAMPA BAY over New Orleans *
GREEN BAY over Jacksonville
Tennessee over OAKLAND
INDIANAPOLIS over Baltimore *
and Monday night...
New England over MIAMI
with a combined score of 61.

Good luck handicappers.

In baseball's hot stove action, the most prized free agent was picked up and made official early this morning. "Si si" Pee-dro Martinez is now a New York Met.
Link to story-
click here

I'm not sure how I feel about the guaranteed fourth year, and $53 million paycheck. I think he'll have a great first season, living that close to his "daddy" (the Yankees) but he will falter and his last 2 1/2 seasons with the Mets will be disasterous.

For more Mets stuff, I found this link to some interviews with past and present Mets greats. Click here-
The interview with Jerry Koosman is pretty funny.

That's all for now kids, I hope your Hanukkah was great, and may your Christmas be better. Until next time, don't take any shit from anybody.

Thursday, December 09, 2004

A College Graduate / NFL pix

Hey kids...
Well, it's official. As of now, I am a college graduate. Commencement is in 2 days.
Hooray for me. Send your congratulatory notes to

Here are my football picks for week 14. The standard rules apply, good luck.

ATLANTA over Oakland
BUFFALO over Cleveland *
DALLAS over New Orleans *
MINNESOTA over Seattle *
NEW ENGLAND over Cincinnati *
BALTIMORE over New York Giants
Indianapolis over HOUSTON
DENVER over Miami
PITTSBURGH over New York Jets *
GREEN BAY over Detroit *
ARIZONA over San Francisco
SAN DIEGO over Tampa Bay *
CAROLINA over St. Louis *
Philadelphia over WASHINGTON
and Monday Night-
Kansas City over TENNESSEE *
combined points tiebreaker- 64

Good luck handicappers.

Friday, December 03, 2004

Coyote Volleyball season over, NFL pix.

Hey kids...

Well, the women's volleyball team ended their spectacular season with a 3-1 loss to #1 ranked Nebraska-Kearney last night in Florida.
Despite the loss, the Coyote Volleyball team will always be national champions here at Turzman central.
To coaches Kim Cherniss and Danny Scott, congratulation on another exciting and successful season, and I can't wait 'till next fall.
To Brianna Harris and Cathleen Price, the two graduates, two of the most talented athletes to wear Coyote blue, and two of my favorite people, thank you for bringing your talents here to San Ber-doo. You will be missed, and I hope you both succeed in the Euro-League.
And for the rest of the ladies, give 'em hell next fall. The Turzman salutes all of you.
Jumpin' jee-hosefat yee-HAAAA!

NFL picks, week 13.

I had 11 wins straight up last week but tanked against the spread. usually Thanksgiving is a strong week for me, so I must be due. Here are the new picks, and the regular rules apply.
Good luck handicappers...
Minnesota over CHICAGO
New England over CLEVELAND *
Arizona over DETROIT *
INDIANAPOLIS over Tennessee *
ST. LOUIS over San Francisco
Buffalo over MIAMI
Carolina over NEW ORLEANS *
NEW YORK JETS over Houston *
Atlanta over TAMPA BAY *
BALTIMORE over Cincinnati *
Kansas City over OAKLAND *
SAN DIEGO over Denver *
PHILADELPHIA over Green Bay *
New york Giants over WASHINGTON *
Pittsburgh over JACKSONVILLE *
and Monday Night-
Dallas over SEATTLE
combined points- 51

Have a geat weekend all,
Live long & prosper.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

NFL pix, week 12 & Happy Tanx-givin, y'all

Hey kids...
Here are the football picks for the holiday weekend. Last week was a vast improvement and I always do well on Thanksgiving. I don't know why, but I can tell you this,
always take Detroit at home when they are underdogs on Thanksgiving. They always cover the spread, check it out.
Anyway, here they come, and the usual rules apply.
Good luck handicappers...

Indianapolis over DETROIT *
DALLAS over Chicago *
CINCINNATI over Cleveland *
KANSAS CITY over San Diego *
MINNESOTA over Jacksonville
Philadelphia over NEW YORK GIANTS *
PITTSBURGH over Washington *
Tampa bay over CAROLINA
HOUSTON over Tennessee
ATLANTA over New Orleans *
Baltimore over NEW ENGLAND
New York Jets over ARIZONA *
SEATTLE over Buffalo *
DENVER over Oakland

monday night...
GREEN BAY over St. Louis
combined points, 55

A lot of dogs this week, I just got a feeling that many dogs will cover, and Baltimore is gonna give the pats a big poo-poo burger to eat.
Have a great Turkey Day everybody,

Sunday, November 21, 2004


Hey kids...
The CSUSB women's volleyball team has done it again.
They will head to the nation's Elite Eight tournament for the second consecutive year and the best part is, they defeated hated rival UC San Diego in the Pacific Region final match in what has been described as one of the best and most exciting volleyball matches ever.
Or a "thriller" as said by CSUSB Director of Sports Information Mike Murphy, who wrote the following:


LA JOLLA -- In perhaps one of the great regionalchampionship games ever in NCAA Division II, Cal StateSan Bernardino rallied from a 2-0 deficit to defeatUC San Diego, 3-2, Saturday night for the PacificRegion volleyball title. The Coyotes rode the backs of senior outside hitter Brie Harris and senior middle blocker Cathleen Price to their second straight regional title byscores of 27-30, 26-30, 31-29, 33-31 and 17-15.
A crowd of 649 fans in UCSD's RIMAC Arena watchedHarris and Price literally bring the Coyotes back from the dead with Harris setting an NCAA and school record 45 kills to go with 15 digs and four blocks.
Price set a personal best of 27 kills, 18 digs and seven block assists. Those two were named to the all-tournament team along with setter Cristen Trent, who set a new Coyotes record for single-match assists with 75. The Coyotes will advance to the national championship tournament on Dec. 2-4 at a site to be announced on Monday.
"I have such mixed emotions right now," said CSUSB Coach Kim Cherniss. "I am so happy for our team. We've overcome a lot of obstacles to reach this point, but I can't help but feel for San Diego and their seven seniors -- those girls are great girls and greatcompetitors. I feel for them."
UCSD came into the match with a 30-1 record, a CCAA championship and ranked No. 1 in the region andNo. 2 in the nation and had already beaten the Coyotes twice in the regular season. "San Diego outnumbers us position by position withtheir experience and ability to set every position on the court, so I am in awe of my players. They (SanDiego) may have thought they could give up kills toBrie but they could triple Cat (Price) and beat us. Their first path worked but not the second," Cherniss said.
Harris, who collapsed from exhaustion after the match, was asked if her arm was ready to fall off after 103 attacks. "My arm? My whole body feels likeit's going to fall off." The 6-foot senior, who averaged over five kills agame this season, said she and her team "had to fight until the last ball fell on their (San Diego) side ofthe net -- and it did!"
The result of the match was a reversal of the2001 Pacific Regional at CSUSB's Coussoulis Arena when the Tritons, including most of Saturday night's lineup, handed the Coyotes a 3-2 loss in the championship match and went on to reach the NCAA semifinals.
Other Coyotes who stood out in the match were freshman libero Yvette Hernandez (20 digs), junior Jessica Nelthorpe (19 digs); Trent with 15 digs and three blocks to go with her record assist total and junior Amy Long with 17 digs, four blocks and four service aces.
The Coyotes were down 10-5 in the crucial game five and rallied to tie the game at 14-all on Harris' 42nd kill of the match.
After Lindsay Crandell put the Tritons up 15-14, Harris evened the count with her43rd kill. Her 46th put CSUSB up 16-15 and Harris closed out the match with a bullet into the back court for kill No. 45.
All-tournament pick Bonnie Harris led theTritons with 22 kills, 12 digs and seven blocks. Katie Hogan had 15 kills and Stacy Dunsmore had 14 and 19 digs. Libero Natalie Facchini had a Tritons record 40 digs and also made the all-tourney team as did setterTeresa Ohta (58 assists, 14 digs) and Kendra Canape(10 kills).

So there you have it. The Coyotes are champs of the Pacific Region and are going to the National Championship. Site and brackets will be announced tomorrow, and if CSUSB hosts it again, we will try to bring as many games as possible over Coyote Radio (

Congrats to Kim Cherniss, Danny Scott, and the women's volleyball team for another outstanding season. Best of luck in the Elite Eight.

That's all for now kids, until next time,

Friday, November 19, 2004

NFL picks, week 11

I'm coming off my worst week EVER. Just five wins.
Well I can't give up now because I'm due for a monster week.
So here we go for week 11, the usual rules apply.
Good luck.

St. Louis over BUFFALO *
Indianapolis over CHICAGO
CINCINNATI over Pittsburgh *
New York Jets over CLEVELAND *
MINNESOTA over Detroit *
Denver over NEW ORLEANS *
TAMPA BAY over San Francisco *
CAROLINA over Arizona *
Tennessee over JACKSONVILLE
BALTIMORE over Dallas
San Diego over OAKLAND
SEATTLE over Miami *
NEW YORK GIANTS over Atlanta *
PHILADELPHIA over Washington
Green Bay over HOUSTON

And Monday NIght, I'm going with the home underdog. If KC loses, I'll blame Wes!!
KANSAS CITY over New England *
Tie breaking point combo, 67.

Good luck handicappers.
Check out yesterday's post for an update on The Rubber Script.


Thursday, November 18, 2004

The Rubber Script

Hey kids...
I got some good news and some bad news this week.
For those of you that religiously follow my blogs (HA!), you may remember that i auditioned for host of an upcoming TV show called "The Lower Level."
Well, I didn't get the part.
You may also remember that I was hired to write a script for a public service announcement about condom use. Well, my script was so beloved that it was upgraded from PSA to commercial. So after a quick re-write, casting began this week and I auditioned for a part.
I will play "Mighty Man" who is the spokesman for Mighty Man Condoms.
Hey- don't laugh. It's a living.
Shooting begins this Sunday.

I'll post my football picks tomorrow because I have not finished handicapping yet.
In the meantime, here are some oldies but goodies...

The nationally televised Ashlee Simpson screw up is here...

The infamous Yankee fan video is still the most popular here at Turzman Central. It is here...
This guy rocks- "You have bad taste in music!"

And don't forget to visit the lovely lady-The Great White Shark at the Monterey Bay Aquarium...

Here's a funny short film about two urine sample cups...

Frank Sinatra returns from the dead to sing about racial profiling.
Warning: If you are easily offended, don't click here-

I've been receiving some great e-mails from people to read over my radio show. Keep 'em coming kids. Tune into Coyote Radio and catch me live every Tuesday from 2-4 pm pacific.

E-mail me at

Be sure to visit eBaum soon, he posts new content every Friday.

And here's something for you trekkies. This is VERY hot, and not for anyone under 18 years old.

Enjoy! c-ya 'round da hood, kiddies.
You should live & be well.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Coyote Athletics & other stuff

Hey kids...

Big doin's in Coyote sports this coming weekend.
First of all, we here at Turzman Central want to salute cross country runner, Tanya Zeferjahn.
She is the first runner in the history of CSUSB cross country to qualify for the NCAA national championship. She placed fourth overall last weekend in Washington and will travel this weekend to Indiana to compete against the best in the nation in division II cross country.
For the story, goto
Tanya, here is the Turzman's official congrats...
"Jumpin' je-hosefat, yeHAAA!"
You're welcome.

Women's volleyball is going to the NCAA Pacific Region tournament for the 5th consecutive year.
It will be in LaJolla at the RIMAC Arena on the UC San Diego campus.
Coyote Radio will not broadcast the games because it conflicts with my school schedule, so I apologize. However, CSUSB Sports Information Director Mike Murphy has informed me that UCSD will have a webpage devoted to the tourney...
Let's hope they handle this website better than the webcast they tried a couple of weeks ago.
Their failure at that makes me think the UCSD computer people can foul up a free lunch.
Anyway, good luck to women's volleyball, who sqare off against Cal Poly Pomona on Thursday at 2:30 pm, pacific.

Here's something for my fellow editors at the Coyote Chronicle staff...
Last week, executive editor Jason Haney took a bite of a piece of sour candy and made this face...
Someone just happened to have a camera.
Well, the photo made its way through Adobe Photoshop and back to me.
Here was the first return, that suggested that Haney was a freedom fighter who barely escaped execution in Vietnam.
This next one captures the wisdom that every executive editor should have. Presenting, Zen Master Jason...

ANyone can feel free to download the original, alter it, and send it back to me. If it doesn't suck, I'll post it.

E-mail me:

I'll have my football picks later this week.

Before I leave, here's a quote from Tony Coors of 00 Distributing:

"If you find yourself in a meeting where someone annoys you or pisses you off, here is the perfect slam:
I don't know what's wrong with you, but I'm sure it's hard to pronounce."

"What am I? Flypaper for stupid people? Why don't you idiots get away from me?!?!"
Thanks Tony.

Catch ya later kids.
Live long and prosper. (All praise due to Spock).


Sunday, November 14, 2004

Mike Piazza to Angels? Good riddance.

Hey kids...
There is a surprisingly large amount of teams interested in trading with the Mets for Mike Piazza. Well, only two.
Last week the Dodgers expressed interest, and now the Angels want him as full time DH and part time catcher/first baseman.
Link to story-

I say a lot because two teams is two more teams than I thought would have interest in "Pizza."
The Dodgers were willing to part with Shawn "who needs him" Green, but reportedly the Angels are offering Jose Guillen and Jarrod Washburn or Ramon Ortiz.
The Mets should jump all over this opportunity.
If there is somebody actually willing to trade for a washed-up, broken down catcher, do it.
Put a gun to the Pizza-man's head and force him to waive that stupid no-trade clause.
Let him lose somewhere else while the Mets rebuild with a new GM and a new attitude.

Send comments to or call 909-881-3654.

I'm off to watch more football kids,
you should live and be well.

Friday, November 12, 2004

NFL picks week 10

Hey kids.
Real quick, here are my picks for week 10. I've been consistent but I'm only averaging 8 wins a week straight up and only 6 against the spread. So my picks might seem odd, but I need a spark.
As usual, my picks do not factor in the spread, they are straight up.
If an asterisk (*) appears by a matchup, it means I think the score will be close and the point spread should be factored.
Home teams are in caps, good luck handicappers.

ATLANTA over Tampa Bay *
CLEVELAND over Pittsburgh *
TENNESSEE over Chicago
Houston over INDIANAPOLIS *
SEATTLE over St Louis *
KANSAS CITY over New Orleans
NEW YORK JETS over Baltimore *
Detroit over JACKSONVILLE *
Cincinnati over WASHINGTON *
Minnesota over GREEN BAY
New York Giants over ARIZONA *
Carolina over SAN FRANCISCO *
NEW ENGLAND over Buffalo *

And Monday night...
Philadelphia over DALLAS *
61 points for the tie breaker.

e-mail me
leave a message at 909-881-3654

until next time, you should live and be well.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Mets to trade Piazza? HOORAY!!!!!

Good news everyone...

I read on Fox this morning that the Dodgers have contacted the Mets about getting Mike Piazza back! Here's the story...
Not only do the dum-bass Dodgers want the washed up, broken down catcher back, but they're willing to part with Shawn Green to get him.
I say if it means getting rid of Piazza, take anything offered.
I'd trade Piazza for a case of baseballs; over the long haul, the Mets would get more use out of them.
Now both "Pizza" and Green have the power to veto any trade, so it's not a done deal yet, but Met fans should keep their fingers crossed and Dodger fans...
well, um...
this trade would be good for you too.
No, I really mean it. I swear on Mike Piazza's career, this trade would be good for you.
Believe me.
You should be happy for the return of your prodigal son.
Just think of how productive he will be that first week he's in Dodger blue. All of the momentum from emotion and all that.
Of course, you'll have to contend with the rest of the season.
Once the shine has tarnished, Dodger fans will see the Mike Piazza that Met fans know-
the one whose skills diminished right before our very eyes.
The one who can't play a month without hurting something.
The one who hits into more double plays than anyone I have ever seen.
The one who can't score a runner from third with less than two outs.
The one who has not thrown out a baserunner since his high school days.

The Dodgers need him, really. Although trading Shawn Green makes a little sense...
Is this guy for real when he says he can't play because of some Jewish holiday? That always bothered me. How can somebody who makes $16 million look his boss in the face and say,
"Sorry chief, I can't work today because an invisible man that lives in the sky won't allow it."
Oh please, grow up already.
I think the age when people stop believing in fairy tales is what, nine?
It's not lilke he does real work. The Jewish holiday is for rest, not working-
not for having the day off for the sake of having a day off.
This guy gets paid to play baseball, something most people do for free because they like it.
If Shawn Green had a real job, I wouldn't be angry when he takes the day off, but please...
A couple of months ago, during the Dodgers' last series against the Giants where their playoff spot was not secure yet, Green put himself before his team and did not play in a very crucial game where the entire season hung in the balance.
It just so happens that they won without him.
What if they had lost? Would Shawn Green have a harder time talking to his god or his teammates?
Quite frankly, I'd be too embarassed to face my teammates again.
I wonder if that's why he's suddenly on the trading block...

Any thoughts and comments may be sent to
or leave a message at 909-881-3654.

Before you log off today, visit the Great White Shark at the Monterey Bay Aquarium-

And watch this funny short film about urine sample cups-

That's all for now kids.


Sunday, November 07, 2004

Update, Coyote Athletics + other stuff.

Hey kids...

Before I update Coyote athletics, here are some oldies but goodies you may enjoy watching.
And there is some stuff never posted at turzman-dot-com before.

The nationally televised Ashlee Simpson screw-up can be seen by clicking here-
I must admit, the more I watch it, the more I pity Ms. Simpson and those that defend the lip-synching.

The infamous Yankee fan video that proves Yankee fans are complete assholes can be seen by clicking here-
It's still the most popular vid here at Turzman Central.

This one is new, courtesy of Georgie.
Frank Sinatra returns from the dead to sing about racial profiling.
Warning: If you are easily offended, don't click here-

This one is courtesy of Webmaster Steve.
It is a vid of the Toronto Skydome roof closing during a baseball game.
It's kinda neat, so click here-

And a personal fave, "You have bad taste in music!"-

For those of you that haven't heard, I worked on a short film last summer. My first acting gig that will hopefully be seen by millions of people. Love and Death, (formally known as Amor Y Muerte) will be released on the Internet soon. In the meantime, some information, photos & stills can be seen here-

Now for Coyote Athletics...
CSUSB has seen some extraordinary stuff last week. In women's cross country, Tanya Zeferjahn placed 4th overall at the regional championships last Saturday and qualified for the NCAA national championship meet that will be run somewhere in Indiana in two weeks.
It is the highest placement a runner from Cal State San Ber-doo has ever made in the school's history, so hats off to Ms. Zeferjahn.
For more info on her, goto

Women's volleyball continued to kick ass by sweeping Cal State Dominguez Hills Friday and Cal Poly Pomona Saturday. As usual, the leading scorers for the 'Yotes both nights were Brie Harris and Cat Price, the two seniors who were honored before Saturday's game for their distinguished careers in Coyote Volleyball.
I have had the pleasure of interviewing both of them on Coyote Radio (
and they are two of the sweetest, coolest and nicest people I've ever met.
Here at Turzman Central, we offer both of them our congrats, and wish them the best of luck in the conference playoffs and their endeavors after school.
Honorable mentions from last weekend's volleyball:
Lisa Dogonyaro, Amy Long, Sharea Drawn, and the best setter in the CCAA, Cristen Trent (who also sang the National Anthem before Saturday's game. What pipes!).

Be sure to goto Coyote Radio's website ( and take the listeners' poll.
Coyote Radio will be getting a facelift real soon and you are all invited to be "guest surgeons" in the makeover. Your input is very important.

That's all for now, shoot me an e-mail at
or leave a message at the Turzman PhanFone hotline- 909-881-3654.

G'nite all.

Friday, November 05, 2004

NFL picks, week 9 & baseball managerial movement

Hey kids...
I made it a point to not forget about posting my football picks for you handicappers (Hi, Georgie) but before I get into that, here's some news on some baseball manager appointments.

Congratulations to Willie Randolph, who became the 18th manager in New York Mets history, and the first black manager in New York baseball history (which is long and storied. This includes the Yankees!) To read the story on Randolph's hiring, click here...

or click here for "Randolph has his moment in the sun."-

Randolph interviewed yesterday with Mike & the Mad Dog (
of WFAN radio, New York City ( Click on these links to check out the leading authority in New York Sports.
As a side-note, Mac & Sid are pretty cool too.

Interestingly, the day after the Mets announce Randolph's hiring, the Arizona Diamondbacks, or as I like to call them, the Arim-a-zona Ass Cracks fired manager Wally Backman after only four days on the job. What the hell?!?! To add insult to injury, he was replaced by Bob Melvin, a former bench coach with the D-backs who was fired as manager of the Seattle Mariners just days after the season ended for being horrible at managing a baseball team.
Here's the link to the story...

This is ridiculous. Okay, so Backman has a criminal record; a very, very minor criminal record at that. He has already paid his debt to society. And okay, so Backman filed for bankruptcy a few years ago. Just because he can't manage his money doesn't mean he can't manage a ball club. And the Arim-a-zona brain trust (I use the word brain with a grain of salt) claimed at first that they didn't know about his past but were going to stand by him anyway, and then they fired him.
I submit to you that this is a bad move because the main idea of major league baseball is to win baseball games. This is big business, not a big sandlot.
This sudden excercise in morality can hurt the D-backs in the long run.
I mean, they claim they did not know of his past? For Christ's sake- the man had been working in their minor league system, as a manager, and was very successful.
His Lancaster Jethawks had the best record in the California League last year and was one game from the Cal-League championship. They lost to Modesto in five games. HEY DIAMONDBACKS, HERE'S SOME ADVICE: Do a friggin' background check on the guy before he enters your system if you're gonna make a big deal about somebody's past mistakes. DUH!!
And Bob Melvin? HELLO, DIAMONDBACKS, ANYBODY HOME? This is a guy who had a Mariner team with a 93-69 record in 2003, and turned it into a 63-99 team the following season. We're talking track records, people- C'MON!!!

Oh well, eff the D-backs and everything else that comes from the desert.

Here are the NFL picks for week 9 and the regular rules apply.
Good luck handicappers...

Arizona over MIAMI *
Kansas City over TAMPA BAY
Oakland over CAROLINA *
DETROIT over Washington *
SAN DIEGO over New Orleans
DENVER over Houston
BALTIMORE over Cleveland *
CINCINNATI over Dallas *
New York Jets over BUFFALO
Philadelphia over PITTSBURGH *
NEW YORK GIANTS over Chicago
Seattle over SAN FRANCISCO *
New England over ST. LOUIS

and Monday night-
INDIANAPOLIS over Minnesota *
tie-breaker at 61.

That's all for now kids, don't forget to visit eBaum this week (
and consult previous posts for the nationally televised Ashlee Simpson screw up, the infamous Yankee fan video, and other stuff.

Don't take any shit from anybody.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Sorry for the wait...

Hey kids...
It's been a busy week and I must apologize for the lack of posts. Once I realized that Sunday had come and I did not post my picks, I felt I may have let you all down.
The good news is, I only won 7 games last week, so I was off,
but how about the Gotham Green Monday night against the hated Dolphins?
Both Curtis Martin and LaMont Jordan ran for 115 yards against a defense that was supposed to be good against the run.
I can't wait for the next game against the Pats.

Anyway- I've been receiving lotsa feedback about some of the vids posted here, so due to popular demand, here they are again...

The nationally televised Ashlee Simpson screw up is here...

The infamous Yankee fan video is still the most popular. It is here...

This guy rocks- "You have bad taste in music!"

And don't forget to visit the lovely lady-
The Great White Shark at the Monterey Bay Aquarium...

Here's a funny short film about two urine sample cups...

Now some personal news from this week...
Big doin's with the Turzman. First off, I've been commissioned to write a script for a public service announcement about condoms, and I've been given free reign on the humor.
They want to make it funny, and I have permission to go beyond the boundaries of good taste.
I'll keep you all updated on it.

Also, I auditioned for the part of the host on a new TV series, "The Lower Levels."
It's a combination of X-Files meets The Twilight Zone with just a smidgen of Elvira's old show.
The audition was just a couple of hours ago and I was the last to read for the part.
Translation: I'm fresh in the minds of the producers. They said they would discuss all candidates tonight, so there's a chance I'll know by the weekend if it's "yay" or "nay."

Once I mentioned my lengthy background in film and theatre, plus my current standing as host of The Mike Tursi Radio Program (only on Coyote Radio-, it's a safe assumption that I am the front-runner (I hope).

That's all for now, except for Coyote Radio's coverage of women's volleyball this Friday and Saturday night, 7 pm pacific. Pregame show starts at 6:45. Friday night we'll hear the 'Yotes deal with Cal State Dominguez Hills and Saturday they take on Cal Poly Pomona. Just before the Pomona game, Coyote athletics will honor seniors Brie Harris and Cat Price in their final home game.
Don't miss the fun.

Until next time kids,
don't take any shit from anybody.

Now I'm gonna write the "Rubber Script."


Thursday, October 28, 2004

Volleyball loses, Buckner wants no forgiveness, UCSD-SUX

Hey kids...

Some bad news to report today...
The CSUSB Coyote women's volleyball team had their 11 game winning streak stopped last night at the hands of the Tritons of UC San Diego.
For game stats click here ->

The game was supposed to be webcast courtesy of UC San Diego but for whatever reason it wasn't working last night. I was trying to get the stupid thing to play for over an hour. I made some phone calls to friends, asking them to try and to my knowledge nobody was able to tune in. This is an official "How dare you!" for the worthless teckies at the UCSD computer geek department. This was the most anticipated game in the conference and they dropped the ball. I was plugging their stupid website for Coyote fans to tune in and root for the 'Yotes, ranked #6 in the nation (see story ->
and it was all for naught. Those turkies couldn't get their tech problems handled before this match and I look like a fool to browsers of turzman-dot-com. To make matters worse, the 'Yotes lost the game.
Stupid Tritons, you guys stink.

In unrelated news-
In the wake of the dullest world series in recent memory, Red Sox fans now forgive Bill Buckner for "The Buckner Incident" during the very exciting 1986 world series.
First of all, I wouldn't. It's one of the most remembered world series moments of all time no matter how many fall classics the Bosox win.
Second of all, Buckner doesn't want their forgiveness. He did not even want to be a part of the current Beantown wah-hoo. He'd rather remain in obscurity, selling real estate in Idaho. I thought that was interesting and commendable on his part. For the story, click this link:

In related news, it seems that "Mr. Scrappy", Wally Backman is no longer in the hunt for the managerial job for the New York Mets. It was reported on WFAN, New York by Mac & Sid ( that the former Mets 2nd baseman and member of the 1986 world champion Mets, became tired of waiting for new Mets GM Omar Minaya to interview the 13 other candidates and has pulled himself out to focus on getting the same job with the Arizona Diamondbacks. Click on the above link and you can hear the archived interview with Mets beat-writer, Ed Coleman or read the story here:
Translation: the Mets have blown another opportunity to improve this team.
The front runners for the Mets field general are Willie Randolph, Terry Collins, Jim Riggleman, Carlos Tosca, and Rudy Jaramillo. There's been talk of bringing back Bobby Valentine, but he's still under contract over in Japan and is improbable.
For more news on the New York Mets, goto

I'll have more on this recent world series later, because I need to vent about this silly curse that never existed, and how this Red Sox championship was bad for baseball.

Check back later kids,

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Coyote Volleyball ranked #6 in nation, #1 in my heart.

Hey kids...
After today's radio show, I recieved this e-mail from Mike Murphy, Director of sports information at Cal State San Bernardino...

After several weeks at No. 7, Cal State San Bernardino's women's volleyball team moved up a notch to No. 6 in this week's American Volleyball Coaches Association national poll.
The Coyotes, 20-2 overall and 12-1 in the CCAA, gained when Minnesota-Duluth, ranked No. 6 last week, lost to unranked South Dakota and dropped all the way to 10th.Minnesota-Duluth is the only team to defeat No. 2-ranked UC San Diego (23-1).
The Coyotes face off against UC San Diego at 7 p.m. Wednesday night at the Tritons' RIMAC Arena with the CCAA title on the line. The Coyotes trail the Tritons by one game coming into the match.
The match will be webcast at, according to the sports information department at UCSD.
The Coyotes have beaten No. 13 Fort Hays State and No. 24 Nebraska-Omaha and lost to No. 2 UCSD and No. 5 Barry.
1. Nebraska-Kearney (28-0)
2. UC San Diego (23-1)
3. Truman State (27-0)
4. Concordia St. Paul (21-1)
5. Barry Univ. (19-1)
6. COYOTES (20-2)
7. Central Missouri St. (24-4)
8. North Florida (19-5)
9. Tampa Univ. (16-3)
10. Minnesota Duluth (17-4)
11. Grand Valley State (20-4)
12. Central Washington (21-0)
13. Fort Hays State (22-3)
14. Hawaii Pacific (16-2)
15. Minn. State-Moorhead (21-2)
16. Northern Michigan (18-4)
17. Washburn (23-5)
18. Northwood (Mich) 17-4)
19. Florida Southern (19-6)
20. North Alabama (18-5)
21. Chaminade (12-3)
22. Rockhurst (19-6)
23. Augustana SD (15-8)
24. Nebraska Omaha (14-7)
25 (tie) Ferris State (18-5) and Armstrong Atlantic (22-4).

It seems like they were stuck at #7 FOREVER, but they've moved up a notch.
And like Mike Murphy said on my radio show today, the pressure is on the Tritons.
It is their house, the Coyotes have improved by leaps and bounds since their last meeting,
and regardless of Wednesday night's outcome, the 'Yotes have banners hanging in the rafters of the Coussoulis Arena. 3 consecutive region championships.
The Tritons have posters that say "Honorable Mention."
Until UC San Diego has a Conference Champion banner that is younger than I am, it is my opinion that the Coyotes own the Tritons (no pressure intended).

To hear the game, goto this website Wednesday, October 26 at 7 pm pacific:

In the meantime, here are some video clips of note you may enjoy...

The nationally televised Ashley Simpson screw up can be seen here:

The infamous Yankee fan video, taken during game 2 of this year'sAmerican League Championship at Yankee Stadium is here:

And what post would be complete without"You have bad taste in music!"-

I never get enough of this one-
Jack Nicholson tries to explain to a Jack in the Box customer that they are out of french fries:
(courtesy of eBaum's World--

Don't forget to visit the Great White Shark at the Monterey Bay Aquarium:

Any thoughts to share? Shoot me an e-mail at
Leave a message at (909) 881-3654

Go 'Yotes.

Monday, October 25, 2004

Radio Show & Women's Volleyball at CSUSB

Hey kids...
Here's a reminder to not miss The Mike Tursi Radio Program on Tuesday, from 2-4 pm pacific. The show will be a heavy dose of women's volleyball as the 'Yotes head down to La Jolla to take on the Tritons of UC San Diego in a highly anticipated rematch.
The 'Yotes have won 11 straight, dating back to the loss to the Tritons last month.

As promised, here is the website where the game will be webcast...

As for my show on Tuesday, here is the website...

I will be playing pre-recorded interviews with coaches and players because the team practices during my time slot.
We'll be hearing from Director of Sports Information at CSUSB Mike Murphy.
Assistant coach Danny Scott and outside hitter Lisa Dogonyaro talked to me after Saturday's victory over Chico State.
And middle blocker Cat Price sat down with me Monday afternoon.

It's gonna be a great show so don't miss it.
You can also call in and participate: 909-880-5617.

Now here's some fun stuff for ya...

The nationally televised Ashley Simpson screw up can be seen here:

The infamous Yankee fan video, taken during game 2 of this year's
American League Championship at Yankee Stadium is here:

And what post would be complete without
"You have bad taste in music!"-

I never get enough of this one-
Jack Nicholson tries to explain to a Jack in the Box
customer that they are out of french fries:
(courtesy of eBaum's World--

Don't forget to visit the Great White Shark at
the Monterey Bay Aquarium:

Sunday, October 24, 2004

Ashley Simpson screws up on national TV

Hey kids, you're gonna like this...

Here at turzman-dot-com, we have discovered proof that pop music's latest flavor of the month, Ashley Simpson sucks ass (but not literally). This video will forever be a treasured archive here at Turzman Central, along with the Infamous Yankee fan video and "You have bad taste in music!"
I gotta tell ya, Ashley takes the cake...

Miraculously, her voice starts singing before the microphone comes close to her mouth during a "live" performance on Saturday Night Live last night (Oct. 23).
Rumor has it that Simpson actually blamed the embarassing nationally televised screw up on her band!
Let's pray that she'll never work again, and that this is the beginning of the end for these sugarplum pop divas and little princes that have no talent but are encouraged to continue polluting the airwaves because the moronic masses have lousy taste in music and purchase their crap.

Other video clips of note:
The infamous Yankee fan video can be seen here-

"You have bad taste in music!"

And of course, visit these fantastic websites:
The Great White Shark at Monterey Bay Aquarium can be seen here-

The link to eBaum's World is

News on Coyote athletics can be found at

Speaking of Coyote Athletics, the women's volleyball team crushed the Wildcats of Chico State last night, 3-nil. That makes 11 victories in a row for the 'Yotes dating back to the loss suffered at the hands of UC San Diego. Well, that rematch with the Tritons is set for this Wednesday. Unfortunately, Coyote Radio will not be able to broadcast the game, but I'm told that UC San Diego is planning a webcast. As soon as I locate the web address, I will post it here at turzman-dot-com, so keep checking back here for the 411 on Wednesday's rematch.
Don't miss my show this Tuesday on Coyote Radio ( where I will be doing a segment on Coyote volleyball and will play some pre-recorded interviews with players and coaches. The team practices during my timeslot and some have agreed to let me record them for Tuesday's show, from 2-4 pm pacific.

^<-- Please note the new additions to the broadcast archives to the left and up.

That's all for now kids, thanks for visiting.
Shoot me an e-mail:
Or leave a phone message at my PhanFone hotline: 909-881-3654.

Take it easy,

Saturday, October 23, 2004

NFL Week 7 & Coyote Volleyball

Hey kids...
First off, here are some links you all should visit because I think they are way-cool.

The infamous Yankee fan video can be seen here-

The Great White Shark at Monterey Bay Aquarium can be seen here-

Some putz who calls himself Count Olaf...

The link to eBaum's World is

News on Coyote athletics can be found at

"You have bad taste in music!"

Okay, next will be my football picks for week 7. This is dedicated to my cousin Georgie who is dependant on my picks for his weekly lunch money.
The regular rules apply. For you newcomers, please consult a previous post to understand how I list my handicaps.
Home teams are in ALL CAPS...

Philadelphia over CLEVELAND
INDIANAPOLIS over Jacksonville *
Atlanta over KANSAS CITY *
St. Louis over MIAMI
MINNESOTA over Tennessee *
NEW YORK GIANTS over Detroit *
TAMPA BAY over Chicago
San Diego over CAROLINA
BALTIMORE over Buffalo
NEW ENGLAND over New York Jets * (I'm heartbroken on this one).
GREEN BAY over Dallas *
New Orleans over OAKLAND *
Seattle over ARIZONA *

Monday Night Matchup...
Denver over CINCINNATI
Combined score tie-breaker... 51

Good luck handicappers.

In unrelated news-
The Cal State San Ber-doo Coyotes won again last night.
In a game heard on Coyote Radio ( the women's volleyball team crushed the Warriors of Cal State Stanislaus, 3-nil with scores of 30-20, 30-18 & 30-16.
They will try to make it 11 in a row tonight against Chico State at 7 pm Pacific.
That game will be broadcast on Coyote Radio ( with the pre-game show at 6:45.
All you fans in different time zones adjust your clocks accordingly and set your alarms.
Goto Coyote Radio's website ahead of time and make sure you you have the Quicktime Player. If not, it is a free download.

Don't miss The Mike Tursi Radio Program Tuesdays from 2-4 pacific, only on Coyote Radio: "All the best College Hits in the Mix."

Have I provided the link enough times?
What? Well...

Take care kids, and don't take any shit from anybody.


Telley-Fone knumbur: 909-881-3654.

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Today's Show went well...

Hey kids...
Today's radio show went without too much aggravation.
There are still some wrinkles to be ironed out with the new Coyote Radio,
but for the most part, today went OK.
More on this a little later...

I stumbled across this website by accident. You guys and gals gotta check this guy out...

I have recently been accused of being a megalomaniac. Though I disagree, I admit I have moments of greatness that I cannot help but to share with others.
But this guy takes the cake.
You wanna talk about being full of one's self, goto his home site, if you can handle his blog.
I'll admit, his blogs are funny, but they drip of pretentiousness, not unlike that bonehead of a boner, Bono from U2 (pretentiouss asshole).

Speaking of assholes, the infamous Yankee fan video has generated much feedback from websurfers, and the only ones offended were Yankee fans- big surprise!
You dum-basses got a lot of nerve defending the behavior of those bleacher-creatures.
For those of you unfamiliar with the infamous Yankee fan video, here is the original post...

If you are a fan of the New York Yankees, it is quite probable that you are an asshole.
Here at turzman-dot-com, we have uncovered empirical evidence supporting the statement,
"Yankee fans are complete & total assholes."
Watch this video for the proof...
After watching this video, anyone that still considers themselves Yankee fans should be ashamed of themselves.
This video is no fake, it was taken during game 2 against Boston at Yankee Stadium in this year's championship series, just a couple of days ago.

Of course, the game mentioned was last week, but I wanted you all to read the notes on the infamous Yankee fan video in its original context.

Now for today's show...
I can only assume that my good friend Wesley Collins was too busy at his great new job to call in and talk sports with his old co-host, so I'll let him slide.
I want to thank Todd Coshow for coming in and talking MLB playoffs and NFL football with me.
And of course, The Professor, Andy Tufano called in from the Victorville campus to share his thoughts on the past debates, the upcoming election, and why we should all re-elect "Governor Dubya".
He didn't convince me, but it's nice to have him on the show.

As if you didn't know, Coyote Radio can be found only on the internet at
Listeners are encouraged to call in and participate,

C-ya all next time, and don't take any shit from anybody.


Saturday, October 16, 2004

NFL picks week 6 & a word about Yankee fans

Hey kids...
I apologize for the tardiness of these football picks but it was another long & hard week.
Before I get to business I must show you something about Yankee fans...

If you are a fan of the New York Yankees, it is quite probable that you are an asshole.
Here at turzman-dot-com, we have uncovered empirical evidence supporting the statement,
"Yankee fans are complete & total assholes."
Watch this video for the proof...
After watching this video, anyone that still considers themselves Yankee fans should be ashamed of themselves.
This video is no fake, it was taken during game 2 against Boston at Yankee Stadium in this year's championship series, just a couple of days ago.
Unmentionable assholes, those right field freaks from the Bronx.

Any thoughts? Shoot me an e-mail, or call the Turzman hotline at 909-881-3654.

As for football picks, the regular rules apply. If you are new to this site, consult a previous post as to how my handicapping notes work. Home teams are in caps...

San Diego over ATLANTA *
BUFFALO over Miami *
CHICAGO over Washington
Cincinnati over CLEVELAND *
DETROIT over Green Bay *
TENNESSEE over Houston
Seattle over NEW ENGLAND * (yes, you read that one correctly).
NEW YORK JETS over San Francisco *
PHILADELPHIA over Carolina
Kansas City over JACKSONVILLE *
Pittsburgh over DALLAS
OAKLAND over Denver *
Minnesota over NEW ORLEANS

and Monday Night...
ST. LOUIS over Tampa Bay *
combined points tie breaker is 59.

Don't even worry about my 3 team point parlee pool. I haven't come close yet and I'm ready to give it up.
I'm committed every week for the rest of the season and I don't even know who I have tomorrow.
If there's anything worth mentioning about it after Sunday, I'll be sure to brag.
Until then,
don't take any shit from anybody.


Wednesday, October 13, 2004


Hey kids...
Here is an e-mail I received from the Shark Research Institute:

October 13, 2004 The great white shark has been placed on Appendix II of the Convention on International Trade in Endangered Species (CITES), a United Nations Treaty Organization convening October 2 to 14, in Bangkok, Thailand. The proposal was sponsored by Australia and Madagascar. During the debate, Ecuador, Thailand, United States, the European Union, and IUCN spoke in favor of the proposal, while Japan, Norway, Iceland, China, Guinea-Bissau, Qatar and the Caribbean nations of St. Lucia, St. Kitts and Nevis voiced their strong opposition. Japan called for a secret ballot. Some 87 countries (parties) voted in favor of the listing, 34 opposed and nine countries abstained.
CITES convenes every two years. The 166 countries that are signatories to CITES have agreed to abide by and implement decisions taken by CITES. Shark Research Institute participates as an NGO (non- governmental organization) where, along with other organizations such as WWF, TRAFFIC and SSN, we meet with delegates to present scientific data in support or opposition of proposals under consideration by CITES.
Under CITES rules, an Appendix II listing allows trade if it does not threaten survival of the species, while an Appendix I listing prohibits all trade in the species. The Appendix II "zero quota" listing that Australia and Madagascar originally proposed, would in fact be similar to an Appendix I listing but a decision to withdraw the "zero quota" was made to improve the proposal's chance of success.
Australia and Madagascar's proposal stated that an Appendix II listing for the shark would ensure exploitation of this globally threatened species is regulated and monitored and that international trade is not detrimental to its survival. The position statement, issued by Dr. Leonard Compagno, Director of SRI and author of the United Nations FAO World Catalogue of Sharks provided strong scientific support for the proposal.
Great white sharks are targeted commercially and by recreational fishermen for their jaws and teeth. Their fins, like those of other sharks, are in demand for shark fin soup.
The great white is only the third shark species to be afforded Appendix II protection by CITES, joining the basking and whale sharks which were listed at CITES Convention Parties (CoP12) in Santiago, Chile.
At CoP13, Japan's proposal to commercially hunt minke whales has been harpooned; 57 countries voting in favor of the proposal, 67 against and 14 abstaining. The humphead wrasse (also known as the Napoleon wrasse or Maori wrasse), Cheilinus undulatus, gained Appendix II protection, and wild African elephants won more protection against ivory poachers following a six-hour debate.
I just received word that Japan will try to reopen discussion on minke whales and white sharks during the plenary session this afternoon or tomorrow morning in hopes of preventing ratification of the decisions.
Marie Levine, Executive Director,Shark Research Institute Bangkok, Thailand
Shark Research Institute
Marie Levine
Executive Director
phone: 609-921-3522

This is a major step in getting all countries to recognize the ocean's top predator as endangered thanks to human behavior, and maybe soon it will be illegal to hunt the Great White in all waters. That is expecting too much from such a stupid species as human beings, but at least some progress is being made.

In unrelated news, this link was e-mailed to me this morning.
This is how Florida is going to ensure that no mistakes are made in this year's presidential election.

That's all for now, keep checking here for news and info on the Turzman.
Shoot me an e-mail at and leave a message on my PhanFone hotline, 909-881-3654.

Don't take any shit from anybody,


Sunday, October 10, 2004

Coyote Volleyball Keeps Winning...

The CSU San Bernardino women's volleyball team continued its winning ways with consecutive victories over CSU Monterey Bay & Sonoma State University Friday and Saturday nights.
The Otters of Monterey Bay are in the middle of their first season in the CCAA, having come up from NAIA division III. They have not won within the conference yet, so it didn't look good for them coming into the unfriendly confines of the Coussoulis Arena for the first time, where the 'Yotes have won 40 of their last 41 games.
The Otters fell 3 - nil, by scores of 30-13, 30-16 & 30-19.
Sonoma St posed a greater challenge the next night, making things very exciting after dropping the first game, 30-16. Game 2 was neck and neck, with the 'Yotes coming out on top, 30-21 and in game 3, the Seawolves started out with a 12-9 lead.
The Coyotes tied it up at 13 and opened up a 27-22 lead, but Sonoma tied it again, at 28.
CSUSB head coach Kim Cherniss called a time out and when play resumed, the 'Yotes scored consecutive points to end it at 30-28.
Coach Bear Grassl and his Seawolves came into Coussoulis and gave the Coyotes a challenge that made for the most exciting game I have seen this season. My hat goes off to Coach Bear and his team.
All praise due to Cherniss and assistant coach Danny Scott for placing a successful volleyball program here in San Ber-doo.
For more information, including game-by-game stats on volleyball or any Coyote Athletic program, visit The Coyotes Online on the 'net at

Do you need to contact the Turzman Complaint Department? Call 909-881-3654 or shoot me an e-mail,
Visit the Great White shark on display at the Monterey Bay Aquarium at She is still doing very well and eating regularly. She swims with more confidence every day and passes the webcam quite often. I would say I've seen her about 5-6 times every 15 minutes.

eBaum updates the media content every Friday morning at The site is a riot and I recommend it for all bored pc users.

That's all for now, I'm gonna watch some NFL football. Until next time kids...


Friday, October 08, 2004

NFL picks for week 5

Hey kids...
Sorry for the delay in these picks but I have had little time to handicap since classes started. You can see the results from last week's whopping 7 wins.
This week's 3-team point parlee doesn't make me feel any better because I'm stuck with Cleveland, Oakland and Pittsburgh. It's gonna be a long Sunday.
Anyway, here are my picks and regular rules apply...

PITTSBURGH over Cleveland *
NEW ENGLAND over Miami
DALLAS over New York Giants *
NEW ORLEANS over Tampa Bay *
SAN DIEGO over Jacksonville *
ATLANTA over Detroit *
Minnesota over HOUSTON *
NEW YORK JETS over Buffalo
Arizona over SAN FRANCISCO *
SEATTLE over St. Louis
Carolina over DENVER *
Baltimore over WASHINGTON *

Monday night:
Tennessee over GREEN BAY *
Combined point tie breaker: 48.

Good luck everybody.

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Major League Baseball

Hey kids...
I figured I would take this opportunity to throw in my 2 cents about this year's baseball playoffs now that I have stumbled upon some free time...
The Yanks don't have the pitching to win a world series this year.
That's the bottome line on that. Don't be surprised if Minnesota continues to shock the pinstripes right into a sweep. Mussina already lost. Lieber has no post season experience. Kevin Brown will get shelled in game 3, not fully recovered from that broken hand (he's a dum-bass). And "El Ducky" has an arm as dead as Rodney Dangerfield (no disrespect intended, Dangerfield was a king among men).
The Bosox should lose to Anaheim because I believe the Angels are more consistent in every general category. However, the Sox have been re-sussy-tated since trading Nomar and their infield is one of the best in the majors right now. Boston will have its first taste of the World Series since the '86 Buckner incident, mainly because they won't have to face (and lose to) the Yankees unless they pull a miracle from their collective asses.
But Bostonians shouldn't get their hopes up because I haven't talked about the National League yet.
The St. Louis Cardinals are the best team in baseball and will win the Series with no problems unless said Yankee miracle stays alive. The Dodgers have absolutely no chance and will be swept.
The Braves, in contrast, are the worst team in the playoffs. And I'm not just saying that because I hate them as much as I hate vanilla and Vic Hislop. They really are very bad.
The only chance they have of surviving the wild card round is they are playing the Astros. That being said, I think the Astros will pull it off. They have better pitching and defense, and on average they are younger. Translation: better athleticism. Who's better in center field?- Beltran or Jones? I don't know and wouldn't be so quick to blindly say Andruw is the answer. Beltran kicks ass.
It's a moot point however, the Cards will smear whoever they face in the championship round.
As for the World Series, I don't believe the Yankee miracle won't get much farther than Minnesota. Look for St. Louis to defeat the Sox in five.
Yes, the Red Sox will lose again. Not because of some silly curse, but because they will be facing the best team in baseball. Schilling will get their lone victory, and I don't think anyone in the Cardinal lineup is afraid of Pedro "The Yankees are my daddy" Martinez.
The Cards have 4 players who deserve the MVP more than Barry "watching the playoffs from home and not really upset about it" Bonds (bat corking roid user) and another who can be argued to deserve it more. Edmonds, Walker, Renteria, Rolen & of course Pujols all deserve it more than Bonds. (And don't forget about that third baseman from LA, Beltre kicks ass too).
If Barry Bonds breaks Hammerin' Hank's home run record, it will be the darkest blemish on the storied history of America's pastime. He's a piece of shit and has recieved way too much more glory than he deserves, despite what the Gatekeepers of sports journalism would have you believe. They are paid to say things in a certain way, and none have the balls to write the truth about Bonds.
If you disagree, your opinion is not worth hearing because you are wrong.

Don't take any shit from anybody
enjoy the playoffs.
I already miss the NHL.


Tuesday, October 05, 2004

Great White Shark returns to deep ocean

Hey kids...

That Great White has ended its vacation off the shores of Cape Cod.
After spending 13 days in the shallows, it was finally led back to open waters by a team of scientists by dragging a huge net behind it.

Link to story:

Surprisingly, the original plan of using electrical currents did not work, and the experts were forced to rely on the timeless method of dragging a large fishing net.
The best part of this whole mess is, the shark was tagged with a satellite tracker, and for the first time, scientists will be able to study the migration patterns of a large Great White in Atlantic Ocean waters.

By the way, the baby Great White at the Monterey Bay Aquarium is still going strong. You can look at her by checking out the web-cam in the outer bay display tank.

She is swimming strongly and is feeding regularly, taking food that is pole-fed to her.
Whether or not she will remain on display for a long period of time remains to be seen, but to my untrained eyes, there is no reason to remove her to an isolated tank where visitors cannot bask in her magnificence.

Until next post, don't take any shit from anybody.


Monday, October 04, 2004

Piano Man weds, No radio show now

Hey kids...

On the lighter side of funny, Piano Man Billy Joel married his 23 year old fiance Saturday at his mansion on Long Island. Okay,
I love his music and in my opinion there are few better singer/songwriters, but come on.
I guess it's the fad for old rock stars (Joel is 55) to marry trophy wives. It brings closure to a career.
Oh yeah, here's the link to the story:

It's safe to say if Joel ever does tour again, he won't stray too far from NYC except to maybe play Vegas as an opening act for Wayne "Fig" Newton. Enjoy the trophy wife, Bill. Hope she throws a good one and doesn't divorce you for 9 mil.

Don't bother tuning in to Coyote Radio tomorrow for my show. It's not gonna happen. For some reason, the studio is not ready for shows. Go figure.

I'll update y'all when I learn more.


Sunday, October 03, 2004

NFL results, White Shark at Cape Cod, Radio show

Hey kids...

I finally shook that cold, with the exception of a slight case of the sniffles.
I hit a skid with my picks this week; only 6 wins with 1 left to play.
Okay, so I'm not perfect. Be sure to alert the media.
My 3 - team point parlee sucked again, this time Carolina let me down. Buffalo exceded my expectations with 17, and San Diego exploded for over 30 again. Stupid Panthers...

The Great White Shark in that lagoon off of Cape Cod is stubbornly remaining in the lagoon. Can't imagine why though. She hasn't eaten since she's been there, but attempts to draw her out have thus failed. Here are links to two stories that have some color photos of eviction attempts:

Now for the exciting news:
The Mike Tursi Radio Program will make its fall quarter debut this Tuesday from 2pm till 4, pacific. All of you in other time zones take note and plan accordingly. Hope you New York audience members are home by 5:00.

Here's the link to coyote Radio,
Go there and make sure you have Quicktime player.

Women's volleyball this Friday and Saturday night, at 7pm, pacific.
The pre-game will begin at 6:45, and I'm gonna try to get T.C.- Todd Coshow to do color commentary again.
Coyote cross country kicked some butt last Friday, placing fifth as Tanya Zefferjahn (sp?) came in 4th overall.
Men's and women's soccer played today but the results had not been posted at the time of my post. For results, you can check for yourself at The Coyotes Online, goto quicklinks and click on athletics.

Like listening to internet radio when you're online? Check out Radio Locator at and find whatever you like.

Don't forget Coyote Radio, and look for The Mike Tursi Radio Program starring me, The Turzman Tuesday afternoons at 2:00, pacific.

Bye everybody, hope you can tune in...

Friday, October 01, 2004

NFL picks, week 4 / White Sharks in the news

Hey kids...
Sorry for the lack of posts this week. It's been a trying time and I'm still flying a little low.
The only joy in my life is knowing that pretty lady at the Monterey Bay Aquarium is thriving.

She's eating regularly and is much more comfortable in the tank. She swims by the camera quite often so if you click on the above link, there's a good chance you'll see her. She has already outlasted any other White Shark in captivity and this is a tremendous opportunity to learn about the life cycle of an animal that has proven very difficult to study.

link to shark milestone story:

In related news, the 14 foot Great White that has been stranded in the embayment off of Cape Cod has worn out its welcome and an attempt to drive it back to open waters will commence within the next couple of days.

link to shark eviction story:

The plan is to use electrical currents from pods designed to protect divers that are annoying but not harmful to the shark. Here is another opportunity to study a Great White in close quarters, but the 1600 pound fish is drawing too many stupid gawkers who put themselves in harm's way to catch a glimpse. These idiots are going out in rowboats smaller than the shark and wonder why they are getting kicked out of the baylet. The most frustrating part is, she's very close to Wood's Hole, one of the leading facilities in shark research.
Oh well, I guess it's expecting too much to think politicians and the average dumb-ass would make decisions that make sense and would be helpful to an endangered species.
They need that 45 degree water to swim in, you know. Moronic Bostonians.

NFL picks for week 4 are next and as usual the first team listed is my pick to win straight up. If you see an asterisk (*) next to the match, it means I think the game will be close and the point spread should be factored in.
Home team is in caps, good luck handicappers...

Cincinnati over PITTSBURGH
New England over BUFFALO *
Oakland over HOUSTON
Washington over CLEVELAND *
Indianapolis over JACKSONVILLE
GREEN BAY over New York Giants *
Philadelphia over CHICAGO
Atlanta over CAROLINA *
New Orleans over ARIZONA *
Denver over TAMPA BAY *
New York Jets over MIAMI
Tennessee over SAN DIEGO *
St. Louis over SAN FRANCISCO *

Monday Night...
BALTIMORE over Kansas City *
Combined score tie-breaker: 34

That's all for now, kids.
Take it easy.

Monday, September 27, 2004

Monday Night QB

Hey kids...
If you'll notice, nine wins with one game to go. I'm handicapping well straight up, but I'm lagging against the spread. Oh well, as long as I average 10 wins a week on these posts, I'm impressed.

Subject change, Coyote Volleyball kicked ass again, this time dismantling Cal State Bakersfield, 3-0. Todd Coshow joined me on air with color commentary, and we interviewed Brie Harris after the game. She's a pleasant person and gives a great interview.

We interviewed Kat Price and Coach Kim Cherniss after Friday's game, and we're trying to get the interviews on this website, so stay tuned.

Check out the follwing sites before you go to bed tonight...

don't take any shit from anybody.


Saturday, September 25, 2004

Coyote Volleyball & NFL picks, week 3

Hey kids...

In case you missed the broadcast last night, the CSUSB women's volleyball team defeated Cal State, LA 3-1 in one of the most exciting matches Coyote Radio has ever covered.
The Golden Eagles did their homework and tried to contain Harris and Nelthorpe from the outside, but had no answer for the middle attacks of Sharea Drawn and Kat Price.
Tonight's game will also be broadcasted over Coyote Radio ( at 7 pm pacific with the pre-game show at 6:45. Hope you all can tune in.

In unrelated news, here are my NFL picks for week 3. As usual, the first team listed is my pick to win straight up, no point spreads. But if an asterisk (*) appears, it means I think the game will be close and the point spread should be factored into your choice. Home teams are in CAPS.

Here goes...
ATLANTA over Arizona
MINNESOTA over Chicago *
KANSAS CITY over Houston *
ST. LOUIS over New Orleans *
Pittsburgh over MIAMI *
INDIANAPOLIS over Green Bay *
CINCINNATI over Baltimore
NEW YORK GIANTS over Cleveland *
TENNESSEE over Jacksonville *
Philadelphia overDETROIT *
DENVER over San Diego *
SEATTLE over San Francisco *
OAKLAND over Tampa Bay

Monday Night-
WASHINGTON over Dallas *
Combined score tie breaker: 33

Byes this week: Buffalo, Carolina, New England & New York Jets.

Good luck handicappers, I hope your luck is better than my 3 team point parlee from last weekend. Philly and San Diego did okay, but the worthless Cowpies tanked it for me. This week's 3 teams may be interesting; I've got San Diego again and I'll be combining their score with Seattle (who I had week 1 but their points were wasted by the sorry-ass Bills) and New Orleans, who are under-achieving madly so far this season. C'mon teams, Mikey needs some money, NOW!

I can be contacted at 909-881-3654 or electronically mailed at
Don't forget about Coyote Radio...
And dammit, goto eBaum's world, like really soon...

Don't take any shit from anybody...


Friday, September 24, 2004

Coyote Volleyball on air tonight!!!

Hey kids...
I just received news that Coyote Radio is ready to broadcast live events.
Tonight at 7 pm pacific, the 5th ranked Coyotes will take on Cal State LA and I will be doing play by play. Wes Collins has agreed to join me as color analyst, reuniting the team that brought you last year's games, including the National Championship Tournament.

Don't miss as Coyote Radio begins its second year of Coyote Women's Volleyball coverage.

goto and make sure you have realplayer and the pre-game begins at 6:45 pm pacific.

Hope you all tune in.


Thursday, September 23, 2004

First day of school...

Hey kids...
I'm a little bummed out because the summer came crashing to a halt this morning when I found myself in a classroom listening to a lecture.
In about a half an hour I'll take my first step into the graduate program with COMM 600, Introduction to Graduate Studies.
I'm not gonna be able to watch tv until the middle of December.
Once this next ten weeks is over, and I graduate with my bachelor's degree, the master's program will be a cinch because it's all about research and paper writing; my bread and butter.
But the beginning is gonna be a walk.

I was looking at the Great White shark at Monterey and she's doing great. She's swimming by the camera more often, so there's a good chance you can get a good glimpse of the pretty lady if you click on the following link to the Outer Bay Cam at the aquarium:

Or click on this link to look at the Hammerheads and Stingrays in the shark tank:

Don't forget to goto Friday morning for the updated media content. It's one of the funniest websites I've stumbled across:

Try out for some equally funny stuff.
That's all for now. I'm gonna try to post as often as news pops up, but who knows how much time I'll have now that classes have begun. There's still no word on my radio show or the volleyball broadcasts. It seems I'm the only one who gives a damn.

Don't take any shit from anybody,


Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Update on White Shark, Expos to D.C.

Hey kids...
I heard today that the Montreal Expos have taken a step toward moving to our nation's capital. I say this is a good thing.Here is the link to the story:

It just seems that baseball never took on with the frenchies of Montreal as it did in Toronto, considering the average crowd size at an Expo game is slightly lower than my I.Q. The best thing that franchise can do is get the hell out of town, get a rich ownership, and get some free agents.
I'd go as far to say that they should re-name the team Washington Senators and design the uniforms after the old-time baseball styles.
The only opposition to this is the ownership of the Baltimore Orioles. They feel that a new team in the area would take away from Oriole fan-base and tv time. Bullshit.
Loyal Oriole fans would never jump on the bandwagon of a new team. If any do, those aren't the fans a franchise should want anyway.
I say this to Oriole ownership: stop moaning and concentrate on putting a better product in that new-fangled stadium you guys erected on the tax-payers' pockets. You guys had money to spend and you thought you could keep pace with George Steinbrenner's checkbook. Oh please, you dumb asses... if the Red Sox can't do it how can you? Stupid idiots.
The Orioles are in the toughest baseball division and must go against the two biggest spenders.
The odds are against you for the next ten years, deal with it or sell the team.
In the meantime, show open arms to your new neighbors (who will probably remain in the National League East), try to stay focused, and for God's sake lay off of Lee Mazzilli. Bringing him in to manage was a stroke of genius, but you shouldn't expect miracles in a matter of months. If there is a manager who can find a way to beat the Bronx Bombers, don't you think it would be a former Yankee player and coach? (Duh!) Oriole ownership are so stupid.

Subject change, the Great White Shark that has been at the Monterey Bay Aquarium for the last week is doing splendidly. It is eating every day and seems to be adjusting to life in the tank famously.
Click on this link to look at hammerhead sharks and Stingrays, and then click on the link to the Outer Bay Cam. This is the tank where the Great White is housed, and after a week she is exploring more of the tank and swimming closer to the camera. I watched this while it was slow at work today and caught some great glances at her. She is a beautiful creature.

Hey Bear, if you're reading this and still want to take a road trip to Monterey, contact me and let me know. The more I think about it, the more I wish I called your bluff and went with you last week. Oh well.

That's all for now, call my hotline at 909 - 991 - 3654 or shoot me an e-mail:

Take it easy,


Tuesday, September 21, 2004

Piano Man honored...

Hey kids,
The Turzman here with some exciting news for you fellow fans of Billy Joel...
He finally received the honor of a star on Hollywood's walk of fame, not too far from the corner of Hollywood and Vine, famous for its over-priced hookers. His star is in front of The Pantageas Theater.
Link to Yahoo! News Search results on the Joel news story:
I remember way back in 1984, when I made my first trip to Hollywood's walk of fame and I was asking every store merchant where Mr. Joel's star was.
Most of them did not speak english.
Of the ones that did, many expressed the opinion that he did not deserve one.
I immediately lost interest and respect for the famous sidewalk.

But now, almost 40 years too late, the Walk of Fame has earned some more credibility in my eyes.
But let's not forget, it's just a sidewalk. A place where in normal places, people dump their trash, bums nap, scumbags pee, and drug addicts pass out.
Especially in Holly-wierd.

Still, if there is anyone who deserves recognition for a lifetime of magnificent achievement it is Billy Joel.
Check his website for all kinds of Piano Man 411.
Or goto for a collection of my favorite links.
(Although it is overdue for a re-tooling).

The Turzman salutes the greatest singer/songwriter of this generation in a way far superior than those fagolas in Tinsel Town can:
Billy, this is for you.

Piano Man woo-hoo!

Later, kids.


Week 2 NFL pick results...

Hey kids...

Well, well, well... somebody who looks and sounds A LOT like me said I would come away with at least 10 wins in week 2. The Turzman was 10-6 straight up, but 8-8 against the spread. I looked like a genius picking Carolina over KC, but I'm still shaking my head at picking the Rams over Atlanta. I don't know what I was thinking.
Also, the Monday night matchup wasn't nearly as explosive as I thought it would be,
relatively low-scoring with Philly beating the spread easily. But I didn't take the points anyway, so it doesn't matter.
Kudos to Da' Bears for kicking the crap out of the Pack at Lambeau, and Detroit is 2-0.
Here's a little something for you Jet fans:
they are 2-0 going into the bye week, then must face Miami, Buffalo and San Francisco. That means there's a very good chance the Gotham Green will be 5-0 when they face New England week 7. Go Green!!!

I'll handicap and post my picks later this week. In the meantime, here's a little something for all you Trekkies I found at

Kirk duels Picard in a battle of Enterprise captains...check it out.

I'll do an overdue update on Coyote soccer, cross-country and golf very soon, I promise.
But until then, don't take any shit from anybody.
Best regards,


Monday, September 20, 2004

Results, NFL week 2...

Key kids...

Holy Crap! KC 0-2 out of the gate, as I predicted.
And Buffalod didn't need 61/2 to beat the spread against the Raiders.

There are two games where I made some easy money.
It made up for a poor set of morning games, but my afternoon picks were dead on balls accurate.

Many thanks to the Chargers for scoring a bunch of points and still losing to the Jets.
Dallas screwed me with a measly 17.
I need Philly to score about 55 points tonight for me to compete in the 3-team point parlee.

I never thought I'd say this, but go Eagles.

Wes, Wes, Wes - when will you realize I have the Chiefs pegged? I won't pick them against a halfway decent team until they can stop the run. I said the same thing about my Jets, and they can stop the run now. That's why they're 2-0.
Gotham Green - woo-hoo!

My contact info remains the same...
Phone number to complaint department: 909-881-3654
e-mail addy:

If you're interested in New York City area sports like me,
check out The FAN:

Mike & the Mad Dog rule. So do Mac & Sid.

Until the next post, don't take any shit from anybody.


Friday, September 17, 2004

NFL picks, week 2 & crazy photos

Hey kids,
The Turzman here with my NFL picks for week 2.
But first, I have to share these photos that I found at with you...

This is crazy.

So here are my football picks and as usual, first team listed is my pick to win, straight up; no point spread factored in. But the asterisk (*) next to a pick means I think the game will be close and the spread should be considered. Home team is in CAPS...Here goes.

Carolina over KANSAS CITY *
TENNESSEE over Indianapolis *
NEW ORLEANS over San Francisco
Washington over NEW YORK GIANTS
OAKLAND over Buffalo *
New England over ARIZONA *
GREEN BAY over Chicago
Houston over DETROIT *
BALTIMORE over Pittsburgh *
St. Louis over ATLANTA *
Seattle over TAMPA BAY
DALLAS over Cleveland *
New York Jets over SAN DIEGO*

Monday night:
PHILADELPHIA over Minnesota *
Tie breaker combined score: 64

Any thoughts?- Call my PhanFone at 909 - 881 - 3654 or shoot me an e-mail:

Good luck handicappers, and don't take any shit from anybody.


Thursday, September 16, 2004

Live Great White in captivity!!

Hey kids...
The Turzman here with some very exciting news. The Monterey Bay Aquarium up in NoCal has a live, four foot long female great white shark on display and seems to be doing well.
Link to Monterey Bay Aquarium website 411 on the shark:

The aquarium also has live webcams in the shark tank, viewable between 7 am and 7 pm.
At other times, they show pre-recorded footage from the shark tank--awesome!!!

To see some videos of the great white in its new home, goto

It will be intersting to see how long this young girl can survive. Previously, the longest stint a great white has managed in a fish tank is 16 days.

In other news, tonight I watched the Coyote Women's volleyball team sweep the Antelopes of Grand Canyon University, 3-nil.
I talked to head coach Kim Cherniss before the match and she informed me that Jessica Nelthorpe would not suit up tonight due to a strained hamstring that was aggravated last night against UC San Diego. (Press release on CSUSB vs. UCSD: ).

I'd like to offer my humblest apologies to Ms. Nelthorpe for being cross in an earlier post, saying she "had nothing" against the Tritons. She hurt herself and played through the pain. Her diligence is a tribute to the CSUSB v-ball program and is a reflection of the work ethic installed into these warriors by coach Cherniss and assistant coach Danny Scott. The good news is Coach Cherniss expects this game to be the only one Nelthorpe will miss, get well soon, number seven!

I've always wondered what it tasted like--eating crow, I feel surprisingly relieved!

Come back here later this week for my NFL week 2 picks. I want some challenges, people!
If I'm successful againt my friends and listeners, I'll try my luck at the local Indian Casino and Bingo Parlor.

I'll also have updates on Coyote soccer & cross-country later this week.

Bye kids, and don't take any shit from anybody!