Wednesday, April 07, 2010

The Good Fortune Contiues...

Well, I picked up a monitor off Craig's List for $25 and some ethernet routers for $9 each. My personal pc is up and running. Albeit slow, but I'm not one to be thankless. Bumming off another's pc was so inconvenient for the both of us.

Turzman says, "Always practice SAFE SEX!"

This means it will be easier to write my film critiques and I'm just itching to sound off on the new Clash of the Titans and the hilarious show from SpikeTV, Blue Mountain State. Also, I have procured a box set released from Legend that contains no less than six films featuring one of my personal faves, Briana Banks.

I think it's a safe bet that I'll be doing a BB marathon, oogling over those DD's.
Also, for those interested, I will take requests. If there's a film you want reviewed (old or new) just ask and I'll do my darndest to see it and opine personally for you. As if that's a big effing deal.


Sunday, April 04, 2010

What I've Learned from Watching PRON.

"What I've Learned from Watching Porn."

*ripped from a friend's Facebook page*

Women wear high heels to bed.
When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.
If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.

Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.
Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.
Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.
A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.
All women are noisy as hell.
People in the 70's couldn't have sex unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.
Those boobs are real.
A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.
Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.
If there is two of them they "high five" each other. (and the girl isn't disgusted!)
Double penetration makes women smile.
Asian men don't exist.
If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove a penis in his girlfriend's mouth.
When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a brisk slap on the butt.
Nurses always suck patient's penises.
When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before having sex the both of you.
Women never have headaches... or periods.

When a woman is giving a blow job, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it".
A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.
Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a penis there.
Men don't have to beg.
When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.