Thursday, July 29, 2010

XXX Film Critique- "No Love Lost"

This edition of the Pornographic Midnight Snack is brought to you by Digital Playground-

No Love Lost (2009)
starring: Raven Alexis, James Deen, Mick Blue, Charles Dera, Alexis Texas, Kerry Louise, Scott Nails, Kristina Rose, Sadie West
written by: uh-huh
directed by: Robby D

In what is most certainly the coolest bachelor pad I have ever seen, James Deen and Charles Vera are lounging around an indoor pool (in what appears to be the living room, no less, complete with fully stocked bar, fire pit, big screen TV and a kick-ass sound system) with a couple of hotties (Alexis Texas, Kerry Louise). Just when the romance starts wafting into the air, there’s a knock on the door…

Ah, to be young and single in the PRONiverse!

…and Deen welcomes old friend Raven Alexis who is running away from her abusive boyfriend (Scott Nails). Raven sees the coupling alignment and doesn’t want to be the fifth wheel at the party. This normally is not a problem in the PRONiverse but Deen anticipated her arrival and planned accordingly. Enter Mick Blue, who is more than happy to play jack to Raven’s rabbit, so our number of players is evened out.

Upon showing her to her room, Raven provides Deen and the rest of us with some exposition, thus allowing this film to be story based. Her boyfriend beats her and she wants out. That’s not a problem for Deen, who obviously has plenty of room in his mansion for her to stay as long as she wants. “Just put on your bikini and join the party downstairs.” Deen says…

"Hello. I am a damsel in distress. Have ye a knight for me, kind sir?"

…so she does, and the table is set for most of our sex. After a few minutes of idle chat and some horseplay around the pool, the three couples part ways for some pseudo privacy. In three separate scenes, Dera hooks up with Alexis Texas, Kerry Lousie boinks Deen and of course, Raven is paired with Blue. The scenes are done quite well. They start off hot and maintain intensity while chewing up a fair amount of run time.

"Sorry, fresh out of knights. All I got left is this."

Alexis Texas uses her best ASSet (her butt, silly!) to pound away at Vera in this reverse cowgirl that made my jaw drop to the floor, and the pairing of Deen and Kerry is quick paced and stays fresh with a lot of position changes. Raven and Blue play it slowly and more sensual which works well because we can tell she is just so happy to be having sex with somebody other than her boyfriend. Which segues to the boyfriend.

Are you serious? Ladies? Really?

Next day, Scott drops by unannounced while Raven’s home alone, prepping a late breakfast for herself. He pulls off a noble effort on the “so you thought you could just walk away” schtick and has a little revenge sex. There’s nothing brutal about the scene, it’s just your standard PRON fare and Raven looks as if she’s enjoying it once she stops her whimpering. If this is her idea of abusive, she should be running away twice as fast from Mick Blue, based on just the last scene. But Scott is the film’s designated bad boy so shortly after pop he gets his ass whupped by Blue when the gang gets back from wherever it was they went. Deen and Dera have traded in the first girls for Sadie West and Christina Rose for reasons that remain a mystery, but it’s no downgrade. Dera has West while Deen takes Rose in two separate scenes to close the film on a strong note.

Hey! No non sex-related horseplay in the pool area! There's no lifeguard on duty.

Surprisingly, there’s no final scene with Raven and Blue. One would think that the hero and damsel should make whoopee once the “dragon” is slayed but alas, the film makers either wanted to keep the run time down or they were bound by the Mick Blue Proviso.

Revenge sex in 3... 2... 1

As is the case with Digital Playground productions, the quality is top-notch. The picture is clear, sound is crisp and overall is on tier with mainstream cinema. Raven Alexis is dazzling as the featured performer, as the earthy brunette gloriously teeters somewhere between “girl next door” and “the dorky teen from high school that grew up into a top shelf hottie.” Unfortunately, her acting (and the other cast members, too) is the nail in this coffin.

"Don't let my tattoo fool you. I'm really a tough guy."

The story is simple enough for PRON standards but the actors deliver rather poorly. Raven’s exposition with Deen is almost enough to make you want to eject the disk altogether (thank God for fast-forward!) and Blue is out-loud laughable when he’s hitting on her, and still more laughs are elicited during his “fight scene” with Nails. No, the dramatization No Love Lost attempts is certainly a train-wreck.

"Are you man enough to take me, my posse and my posse's pussy? Huh?"

The sex is worth the drama though, as all performers deliver admirably and Raven Alexis is, to coin a phrase, cute as a button. I recommend this film.

Guardian of the Universe Gamera says, "Scott Nails can sure use a lesson or three on self-defense. He went down faster than a porn star when the director yells action! What? That was funny, no?"