Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Update: Steve Alten & The Swinging Johnsons

Hey kids,

So I got a phone call from world-reknowned best-selling author Steve Alten the other day.
It seems he was really pleased with the article I wrote about him, THE LOCH and the MEG movie deal in the last issue of The Coyote Chronicle.
I got home from campus, checked my phone messages, and there it was. How cool is a guy to take the time out of his busy writing/promoting schedule to personally call one of his fans? Who knows how many loyal Alten readers have received a call from him.
That's way too cool.
Visit Steve on the web at and learn more about his works, even if you don't like to read. Reading can be addictive, and Alten is my drug of choice.

In unrelated news, I got an e-mail from Stranglin' Jack Johnson of the Swinging Johnson comedy troupe.
He said that the new episodes of Mr. Cadaver are up, so I checked them out. There's some pretty twisted funnystuff there. Check out Mr. Cadaver and all of the tidbits of Johnson cinema at

In more unrelated news, today's episode of "Sportstalk with the Turzman" on Coyote Radio was especially cool because I was joined by my good friend, Jason "Captain Kirk" Haney, the Executive Editor of the Coyote Chronicle and former host of "Jason's Jams." We had a great show and we were joined by guest NBA analyst, Brian Short. What a great show, and Webmaster Steve put the show up on the archive list before I got home tonight. So, check out the April 27 episode and bask in our brilliance. Also, listen for the F-Bomb I accidentally dropped.

Okay, I gotta get this off my chest---
My good friend Ezequiel from Broken Pictures ( involved me in a conference call with the multi-talented Robert Hayes from Freak Show Entertainment ( Mad props to Joseph, by the way.

Anyway- the three of us ended up having a heated debate about George Lucas and how he screwed up the Star Wars franchise. I am of the opinion that Mr. Lucas should be executed on national TV and his body should be mounted on a post as a warning to all to never fuck up something as cool as the Star Wars saga. Let's face it, the magic that was Star Wars died a horrible death the minute that turd, Phantom Menace reared its ugly head and spawned that overgrown salamander Jar Jar Binks.
My two friends, who are much more forgiving than I, not only forgive that ass-maggot Lucas, but still revere him as a genius, based solely on the fact that he created Star Wars in the first place and made billions with the watered down prequels. Sorry fellas, but you gotta do better than that. You see, even though they admit Episodes 1 & 2 were inferior films ( and that's putting it mildly; they made Return to the Blue Lagoon look like Godfather 2), they refuse to admit that these films ruined the entire franchise. Preposterous.

People are so blinded sometimes that they cannot face reality and come to grips with the fact that George Lucas sucks. Fuck George Lucas in his Wonderbread ass with an R2-D2 dildo.

I love Jr. and Robert as brothers, but they are wrong.

What are your thoughts on this matter? Let me know at or leave a message at (909) 881-3654. Sign the guestbook while you're here.

PS- The Lord of the Rings trilogy was long, dull and EXTREMELY unnecessary. Once we finish fucking George Lucas, fuck Peter Jackson next with a Jack Black dildo.