Wednesday, January 05, 2005

NFL playoff picks, week 18

Hey kids,
It's that time of year again,
where everything gets put on the back-burner to make room for the NFL playoffs.
Nothing is as important as the NFL post season.
I have provided picks for all you hapless handicappers, and far be it from me to discontinue this practice just when football's gettin' is gettin' good.
Here's round one...
The only road team to win will be St. Louis over Seattle. The Seahawks are as energetic as a flat tire and have a horrible defense. Now that Sean Alexander is running his mouth about missing the rushing title by one yard, it's clear that Mike Holmgren's team has lost focus. The Rams will win this game on the road easily and Marc Bulger won't have to pass for 450 yards to do it.

The Jets will go down kicking and scratching to the AFC dark horse San Diego Chargers. The Jets are still the biggest disappointment in the AFC East despite their stumbling onto a playoff berth. If not for Curtis martin, the Jets would have less than five victories and Herm Edwards would have been fired last year. Yes, the Jets defense is very good and Curtis Martin had a career year considering his age, but as long as Paul Hackett is offensive coordinator, the Jets will continue to be the Gotham Green under-acheivers they have been for as long as I can remember.
And I'm not convinced Chad Pennington could lead any team to something that resembles glory. That wet noodle he calls an arm will be his Achiles' heal.

Denver will fall to Indy because the Colts are a better team in all facets of the game. With all Colt starters refreshed, relaxed and bursting with just oodles of confidence, the Broncos will fall in a game that will be exciting until about halfway through the 3rd quarter. Mike Shanahan will not be fired as head coach of the Broncos because there is no better coach to replace him.

And Green Bay will stomp the Vikings because the mighty purple ones have never learned how to win the big games. Both defenses stink, but both offenses are great. I think Brett Favre has another miracle left in his bag of tricks. At least enough to get past a Minnesota offense too inconsistent to be great.

There you have it. As for point spreads, I usually take the points when the Jets are underdogs, but not this time. Look for the Bolts to destroy the Jets early and often. The Rams will clobber Seattle and Denver will be in the hunt until just after the second half begins. The Pack and Vikes will be a close one.

Good luck handicappers, send all comments to or call the PhanFone hotline and leave a message. 909-881-3654.


Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Someone double-dared me to post this.

q. what has 300,000 legs and can't swim?
a. tsunami victims!

Send all complaints to and they will be forwarded to w.m.s.