Oh, the conversations I have...

Let's talk about penis pumps. It's an occupational hazard of mine, (talking about them, not using them, wise-ass) and I had to become an expert overnight to satisfy the concerns of men who don't always feel, "up to the task."
That ends the comedic portion of this blog. Despite finding great humor in my new occupation, I'd be remiss to not take some of this stuff seriously. Men come into my store with some valid concerns that cannot be addressed by a standard jerk sleeve.
So I used the Intranet to do some actual research because as a legitimate peddler of the PRON I have to be able to answer questions like the one most men have wondered at least once in their lifetimes.

"Do penis pumps actually work?"

The short answer is "yes."

Now men, don't go out and drop your coin in sweaty anticipation just yet. The longer, more complex answer requires that I ask, "What are you using the pump for?" You see, PP's (no snickering allowed, this is educational stuff) are actual, medical devices designed to help with actual, medical problems. Medical problems concerning the penis.

This is when I assume you boys aren't so bold to go out and buy one so quickly. I'm right, ain't I?

It would help if potential PP consumers knew how they worked...

Penis pumps work by vacuum aspiration (this simply means they create a vacuum around the penis). By squeezing a bulb, or using a plunger, or electric pump, air is sucked out of the cylinder that is placed over the shaft of the penis. As the air is sucked out, a stronger and stronger vacuum is created around the penis. Your penis gets pulled into the cylinder. The blood pressure within your penis causes extra blood to rush into the erectile tissue. This causes engorgement (erection). Then a round clamp is used to hold the extra blood in the penis for about 30 minutes. Clamping it any longer can cause serious problems. The erection caused by a PP is not the same as a normal erection. It is softer and spongier.

I get the impression, based on conversations I have while trying to sell these things, that men expect a "miracle," being instant size increase after only one use. If that were the case, everyone would have one. When they learn that results don't show immediately, they are no longer interested in buying a PP, seeing it as a waste of money.

PP's, like most medical tools (or drugs) need time to take a more permanent effect on the subject. The more you use a pump (following directions to the letter) the less the blood vessels will shrink back to their original sizes. Thus, more blood will flow when a natural erection occurs, leading to a girthier johnson (and a pleasantly surprised girlfriend).



Besides, anything with such an impressive gauge on it just has to work? Doesn't it?

Oh, and another thing, PP's do not cure erectile dysfunction, but they will create an erection sufficient for sexual intercourse. You get a "manufactured erection". It is not as hard as a true erection, but unlike surgery and implants, PP's are totally non invasive.

Knowledge is power. Go out and get some.