Oh, the conversations I have...

Let's talk about penis pumps. It's an occupational hazard of mine, (talking about them, not using them, wise-ass) and I had to become an expert overnight to satisfy the concerns of men who don't always feel, "up to the task."
That ends the comedic portion of this blog. Despite finding great humor in my new occupation, I'd be remiss to not take some of this stuff seriously. Men come into my store with some valid concerns that cannot be addressed by a standard jerk sleeve.
So I used the Intranet to do some actual research because as a legitimate peddler of the PRON I have to be able to answer questions like the one most men have wondered at least once in their lifetimes.

"Do penis pumps actually work?"

The short answer is "yes."

Now men, don't go out and drop your coin in sweaty anticipation just yet. The longer, more complex answer requires that I ask, "What are you using the pump for?" You see, PP's (no snickering allowed, this is educational stuff) are actual, medical devices designed to help with actual, medical problems. Medical problems concerning the penis.

This is when I assume you boys aren't so bold to go out and buy one so quickly. I'm right, ain't I?

It would help if potential PP consumers knew how they worked...

Penis pumps work by vacuum aspiration (this simply means they create a vacuum around the penis). By squeezing a bulb, or using a plunger, or electric pump, air is sucked out of the cylinder that is placed over the shaft of the penis. As the air is sucked out, a stronger and stronger vacuum is created around the penis. Your penis gets pulled into the cylinder. The blood pressure within your penis causes extra blood to rush into the erectile tissue. This causes engorgement (erection). Then a round clamp is used to hold the extra blood in the penis for about 30 minutes. Clamping it any longer can cause serious problems. The erection caused by a PP is not the same as a normal erection. It is softer and spongier.

I get the impression, based on conversations I have while trying to sell these things, that men expect a "miracle," being instant size increase after only one use. If that were the case, everyone would have one. When they learn that results don't show immediately, they are no longer interested in buying a PP, seeing it as a waste of money.

PP's, like most medical tools (or drugs) need time to take a more permanent effect on the subject. The more you use a pump (following directions to the letter) the less the blood vessels will shrink back to their original sizes. Thus, more blood will flow when a natural erection occurs, leading to a girthier johnson (and a pleasantly surprised girlfriend).



Besides, anything with such an impressive gauge on it just has to work? Doesn't it?

Oh, and another thing, PP's do not cure erectile dysfunction, but they will create an erection sufficient for sexual intercourse. You get a "manufactured erection". It is not as hard as a true erection, but unlike surgery and implants, PP's are totally non invasive.

Knowledge is power. Go out and get some.

The Good Fortune Contiues...

Well, I picked up a monitor off Craig's List for $25 and some ethernet routers for $9 each. My personal pc is up and running. Albeit slow, but I'm not one to be thankless. Bumming off another's pc was so inconvenient for the both of us.







Turzman says, "Always practice SAFE SEX!"



This means it will be easier to write my film critiques and I'm just itching to sound off on the new Clash of the Titans and the hilarious show from SpikeTV, Blue Mountain State. Also, I have procured a box set released from Legend that contains no less than six films featuring one of my personal faves, Briana Banks.



I think it's a safe bet that I'll be doing a BB marathon, oogling over those DD's.
Also, for those interested, I will take requests. If there's a film you want reviewed (old or new) just ask and I'll do my darndest to see it and opine personally for you. As if that's a big effing deal.

Cheers.

What I've Learned from Watching PRON.

"What I've Learned from Watching Porn."

*ripped from a friend's Facebook page*

Women wear high heels to bed.
When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.
If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.



Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.
Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.
Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.
A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.
All women are noisy as hell.
People in the 70's couldn't have sex unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.
Those boobs are real.
A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.
Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.
If there is two of them they "high five" each other. (and the girl isn't disgusted!)
Double penetration makes women smile.
Asian men don't exist.
If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove a penis in his girlfriend's mouth.
When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a brisk slap on the butt.
Nurses always suck patient's penises.
When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before having sex the both of you.
Women never have headaches... or periods.



When a woman is giving a blow job, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it".
A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.
Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a penis there.
Men don't have to beg.
When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.

Tales from the PRON Store, Volume I -(nsfw)

Today, a customer asked me if we sold He-She, trans sexual DVDs.
I said, "But of course."

As I led him to our Hall of Trannies, the song on the radio was
"More than a Woman" by the Bee Gees.

I found that to be eerily fitting.
Is it irony, or just an odd coincidence?

I told you my blogs would become more interesting.

The top-selling item this week:
The Tera Patrick pussy and ass.



Coming in close at second place is a Fleshlight molded from Jenna Haze's butt.

I don't know what to start my X-Mas list with.